Authorâs note : âThis is a story about the past. The contents might not be pleasant, but I hope you pay special attention to thatâ
âââââââââââââ
â Allow me to reminisce. (Shiori)
Even if I refused, I canât stop her.
â»
I learned what âgetting chillsâ meant the first time I met Nagami Takaya.
I only knew him as a string of letters up until 2nd year. His face and his name didnât match.
My school life was going to be the same as the previous year. Get good grades, have good behavior, be an honor student. Some of my friends used to call me an idol. I have no idea what they meant.
If I had to describe myself, I would use the word âPuppetâ. If my parents told me to study, I did. If my teachers asked me to take committee roles, I did.
Void of any will. No âI want toâ or âI donât want toâ. Only âYesâ.
Hence, a puppet.
An eccentric uncle I had once described me as such as well. âPretty on the outside like a doll, empty on the inside like a dollâ. My parents told me to never talk to him again.
âYouâre a really good girlâ, the adults said. So I believed.
Maybe that shouldâve been a turning point for me. Not that I cared.
I continued my life as a puppet.
But then something happened.
This giant guy, whose name I canât be bothered to remember, kept bullying all the smaller students. I didnât want to get involved, but the teachers begged me to.
The class president brushed it away and asked me not to get in unnecessary trouble.
The bullied students kept dropping out, one by one.
And thatâs when I met Nagami Takaya.
At first I thought he would be just another victim. How long would he last? One month? Two, at most?
But no, he kept coming back. The abuse kept escalating, yet Nagami Takaya came to school every day despite knowing what he had coming.
âCan you please take care of it?â the class president said. Couldnât choose a better way to not give a crap about it other than leaving it all to me.
I went to the scene of the assault.
There, I felt as if fate had weaved us together.
His cheeks were swollen from the beating. He couldnât take it anymore, so he started crying in front of everyone while begging for the punches to stop.
Somehow, the void inside me was filled.
I shivered.
I ran away. The other students laughed at me, thinking I was scared.
The tingles I get from remembering Nagami-kunâs pitiful face⊠Itâs such a mesmerizing feeling.
Itâs pleasure.
To my own surprise, I started following Nagami-kun and carefully observing the scenarios when he was bullied.
It was the first time I was doing something of my own volition.
Whenever the teachers asked me, I told them I ran away because I was scared. A lie, of course. I couldnât take my eyes off Nagami-kunâs face filled with tears and sometimes blood.
Far from the image others have of a âgood girlâ, I kept acting as an honor student, but inside me was a whirlpool of dark thoughts.
Eventually, I thought to myself:
âWhat would happen if I was the one making him suffer?â
My imagination filled my mind with nefarious and bizarre images.
I could do a much better job than those students. Iâm sure Nagami-kun would like that too.
NagamikunNagamikunNagamikunNagamikun
I want him. I want him to be mine. I need him every second I want to fulfill my desires.
The precious person who could fill this empty puppet void of any meaning.
Yet I was tied to the bonds of my social status. I had to be a good girl.
âPlease, God. I can only think about Nagami-kunâ
As if my prayers were answered, the day of the school trip came.
I was blessed with the ability to steal half of my precious target.
âIf I could gain his full trust, even if for a second, then I can obtain what I wantâ
With this in mind, I set my plan into action.
I was not expecting Nagami-kunâs lower half to be so fruitful.
Just you wait, Nagami-kun. My power of âVoidâ will surely enjoy your roots.