āI wanted to firmly tell him not to get engaged.ā
Everything was upsetting, but in the end, it was her situation that bothered Alicia the most.
Even if the words, ādonāt get engaged,ā were at the tip of her tongue, she couldnāt say it because she knew she couldnāt do anything for Cabellenus.
āIf I still had my powers, I could have said it.ā
Aliciaās closed eyelids trembled.
Her eyelashes were already wet.
She was the one who chose to be alone, but ironically, she wanted someone to be by her side.
As she tried to endure the pain alone in a dark room, she remembered the hellish time she thought she had forgotten.
Alicia curled up her body into a tighter ball, trying to suppress the memories of that day.
It was then.
She felt something moving inside her belly.
Alicia stiffened. She then nervously lowered her hand and wrapped it around her belly.
The sensation was only for a fleeting moment, and now she felt nothing.
However, the thought of disregarding it made her feel restless.
āPerhapsā¦ā¦.ā
Alicia kept her hands on her belly and swallowed dryly.
The doctors clearly said she wasnāt pregnant, but the symptoms she was experiencing were difficult to explain unless she was pregnant.
And above all, the power she felt a little while agoā¦ā¦.
Alicia cautiously looked down.
Even though it was just her assumption, Alicia felt like she was about to burst into tears at the thought and firmly bit her lip.
She could merely just be mistaken.
But right now, she missed people too much.
She desperately needed a being that she could purely love and be loved back, without needing to think about anything.
Alicia stroked her belly over and over again as if searching for the presence of a child.
But the answer she wanted didnāt come back.
āWhy arenāt you answering me? Is it because I said I didnāt want you? If notā¦ā¦.ā
Aliciaās hand, which was touching her belly, stopped for a moment.
What if a child existed? And, what if the child had the same power she used to have?
When her thoughts reached that point, her mind turned blank.
āā¦ā¦.Itās because of me.ā
Alicia wrinkled her face and breathed out a dispirited sigh.
Everything finally made sense now.
The reason why they couldnāt find the childās existence was because she didnāt want it.
The child was merely granting Aliciaās wish.
Realising that, she could no longer suppress the tears that leaked out.
The child in her belly had no ability to perceive things.
Instead, the child in her belly was just instinctively acting as its mother wished.
The unborn child was watching the world even before it knew it.
āIām sorry. Iām really sorryā¦ā¦.ā
Alicia closed her eyes and apologised again and again.
And at that moment, she felt something wriggling in her belly.
āAhā¦ā¦.ā
Alicia couldnāt stop the cry from leaking out and covered her mouth with both hands.
This time, it was such a distinct fetal movement that it couldnāt be an illusion.
It was a child.
There was a child in her.
Alicia couldnāt stop crying and just covered her face with both hands.
She thought she didnāt need anything like a child, but now its existence felt so great.
She wasnāt alone.
āBabyā¦ā¦.ā
As Alicia sought for the child, her voice trembled, but at the same time, was more desperate than ever.
And, as if responding to her, she felt the movement again.
āYouā¦ā¦. I miss you. I need you, truly.ā
Alicia wrapped her arms around her belly and hugged it.
She was glad to feel the movement in her belly resonating like an answer.
* * *
āThis isā¦ā¦.ā
Alicia turned her head with vacant eyes.
She must have fallen asleep in the bedroom, but nothing familiar was in sight.
There was only an endless snowfield.
Alicia looked around and cautiously stepped forward.
Every time she stepped on the pile of snow, she could hear a vivid crunching sound, and every time she exhaled, her frozen breath turned white.
But strangely enough, it wasnāt cold at all.
āWhy?ā
Alicia stopped walking, looked around again, and then stiffened.
Since a while ago, there was a mysterious dark figure watching her from afar.
Alicia looked at the figure for a moment and then slowly stepped towards it.
It was a strange shape, but she didnāt find it scary at all.
Instead, it felt rather friendly.
āā¦ā¦Hello?ā
Alicia clumsily greeted it and just smiled because she didnāt know what else to say.
Even at that moment, the black figure was staring up at her.
āYouāre so small.ā
Alicia carefully crouched beside it.
She couldnāt tell from afar, but the black figure, seen up close, was very little.
It looked like she could hold it with one hand.
āWould you like to come over here?ā
Perhaps it was because she was going through an unimaginable situation, without much thought, the words just popped out.
āAre you scared?ā
The black figure stared at Alicia and shook its head.
āThen?ā
āā¦ā¦.ā
āAre you unable to speak?ā
The black figure nodded this time.
Alicia thought it looked like an obedient puppy.
Although it was as black as a shadow, the dark figure was in the form of a four-legged beast.
If she had to classify it, it looked like a puppy.
āBut it seems like you can still understand what Iām saying.ā
Alicia carefully reached out her hand. As if waiting, the black figure rubbed its face against her palm.
It looked like it was trying to act cute.
āDo you like me?ā
*Nodā*
āWeāve just met for the first time today.ā
*Shakes headā*
āThis isnāt the first time?ā
*Nodā*
Alicia furrowed her brows.
Even though they were having a conversation through head gestures, she couldnāt help but feel frustrated.
āWho are you?ā
The black figure stared up at Alicia without a response.
As if it wanted her to recognise it.
Aliciaās parted her lips slightly.
Only then did she notice the eyes of the black figure.
The eyes of the black figure were grey.
It was the eye colour that her grandmother passed on to her mother, and the ones that her mother passed on to her.
āNo wayā¦ā¦.ā
Aliciaās voice trembled.
The black figure gingerly glanced at Alicia and softly placed its front paws on her knees.
It seemed like it wanted something from Alicia.
Alicia hesitated, not knowing what to do, and then carefully picked up the black figure.
The black figure, which was suddenly lifted in the air, slowly blinked its eyes. It then gently wagged its furry tail.
āUmmā¦ā¦.ā
She didnāt know what she was supposed to say.
Alicia nervously gulped as she looked at the burdensomely affectionate eyes that were directed towards her.
In the meantime, regardless of Alicia clumsily holding it, the black figure busily rubbed its cheek against her to express its joy.
Alicia held the black figure amid the warm welcome and waited for a while, still confused at what she should do. She gulped nervously again.
The black figure was small, but it had an unmistakable warmth.
After confirming that, she felt more courage than before.
āā¦ā¦I honestly donāt know what to say to you right now. But, I want to apologise.ā
The black figureās ears perked up.
Alicia pondered for a moment. She then brought the figure closer into her arms and patted its back.
At first, her touch was awkward, but after repeating it several times, she got used to it.
āIām sorry. I said I didnāt want you.ā
āAnd thank you. For being by my side now.ā
Alicia smiled faintly.
The black figure stared intently at Alicia as if trying to observe her expression and soon nestled into her arms.
Rather than understand Aliciaās words, it looked it was just waving its tail in goodwill.
Knowing this, Alicia stroked the black figureās head.
The black beast didnāt have a particularly likable appearance, but seeing a little creature trying to somehow appeal to her made her heart flutter.
At a glance, the child didnāt know anything and merely used its powers.
It just instinctively pursued what Alicia wanted in order to please her.
Alicia stroked the black figureās face with the back of her hand.
Now, she couldnāt help but know.
The familiar power that she felt in the black figure,
What was in front of her wasnāt an unknown entity.
It was her child.
The moment she realised that, like a curtain, the shadowy membrane surrounding the black figure disappeared.
Then, for the first time, she could see the child clearly.
Alicia swallowed reflexively.
It was a wolf, a wolf cub with grey eyes and fluffy red fur.
āIs that your true appearance?ā
There was a moment of silence.
The wolf rolled its round eyes and nodded cautiously.
Alicia got all choked up when she saw that.
With its tail drooping weakly, she could clearly see what was in the childās mind ā it was earnestly waiting for Aliciaās reaction.
āPretty.ā
āā¦ā¦.ā
āYouāre very pretty, so you donāt have to be so scared.ā
All she did was smile, but the drooping tail immediately rose up.
Alicia didnāt know whether to laugh or cry when she saw how obvious the childās emotions were, so she just released a long breath.
In fact, a child with the power would be able to hide its existence perfectly.
However, the child didnāt do so. Aside from its desire to fulfil Aliciaās wishes, it also wanted Alicia to know about its existence.
Even if it hid, it wanted to show up and reveal itself in front of Alicia.
āā¦ā¦You were watching me all this time.ā
āYou donāt need to know about those things yet.ā
Alicia curled up her fingers tightly.
āYou donāt have to look at me. You donāt have to watch over me, either.ā
Alicia gently nibbled on her lower lip.
To be more self-conscious than necessary ā it was her habit that she disliked the most.
However, seeing that habit in her child and not anyone else felt strange, no. She was saddened.
It felt as if her heart was being ripped into a thousand pieces.
āBaby. You donāt have to try to do anything for me anymore.ā
āā¦ā¦.ā
āStop using your powers for me.ā
Alicia stared at the child, holding back her tears that were threatening to escape.
Even the power the child was using was not unlimited.
The power was bound to be exhausted one day, and the subsequent end was already determined.
āI donāt need your power.ā
āKking, Kki-ing, kkingā¦ā¦.ā
Perhaps it misunderstood Aliciaās words, but the child made an odd sound and snuggled deeper into her arms.
Only then did Alicia notice that the child was nervous.
āIām not saying that I donāt need you. I only want you toā¦ā¦.ā
Alicia stopped talking.
Whenever she saw the excessively unconditional gaze, she couldnāt help but be reminded of herself.
āKki-ingā¦ā¦.ā
Due to Aliciaās delayed response, the childās body began to weaken.
Alicia stammered in alarm, not knowing what to do.
āTh-thatā¦ā¦.! I meant that just being by my side is enough!ā
āā¦ā¦.Kki-ing?ā
The childās eyes were instantly filled with hope.
Alicia hurriedly continued, fearing that the childās body would lose strength again.
āAs long as youāre by my side, thatās enough. So stop it now. You donāt have to overdo it for me.ā
It just stared at her.
Alicia smiled more brightly the more it did that.
The way it kept gazing at her was reminiscent of her longing for love, so she kept feeling touched by it.
āYou donāt have to look around. Itās really okay. Even if you donāt do anything, Iāll continue to like you. Iāll never hate you.ā
āā¦ā¦.ā
āYouāre too lovely to hate.ā
Alicia kissed the childās roundish forehead as if to soothe it.
The child widened its eyes and soon softly wagged its tail.
Although the child was still in the form of a beast ā in Aliciaās eyes ā it simply looked like her child.
āEven if you donāt do anything, Iāll like you. So donāt use your powers from now on. Thatās too much power for a young child to handle.ā
As if it didnāt understand Aliciaās words, the child only tilted its head over and over again.
Alicia pondered if she should explain further but just patted the childās head.
Even if it had special powers, the child was just a child.
It was practically difficult to explain the power to a child who was faithfully working on its instincts rather than judging rationally.
āButā¦ā¦.ā
Aliciaās eyes trembled as she looked at the child.
Regardless of whether it understood, she couldnāt let her child continue to wield such power.
To a child, the power was no different from poison.
āIf you donāt use your powers, Iāll continue to love you. What do you think? Can you do it?ā
The childās eyes sparkled with anticipation as if it understood her words.
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Alicia smiled bitterly at that innocent look.
She was comforting the child, but in fact, she was the one being comforted instead.
The child only gave her a slight warmth, but she could tell just by looking at the innocent childās gaze.
That the child, no matter what, would always remain by her side.