Parsed with an automated reader. The content accuracy is not guranteed.\n
Husbands’ 100-Question Aptitude Test: Part I\n[Please note that this extra is meant to be a fun interjection and is outside the scope of the main story, which continues in the next post.]\n
1. Could you please introduce yourselves first?\nZLY: My name is Zhang Lingyi. Everyone calls me elegant, charming, and charismatic!\nWGN: I’m Wang Guangning. Everyone calls me handsome, debonair, and very clever!\nAh Zhi [the author]: = = + Charismatic and Clever, how do you do!\nHkt: Wow, is this a new duo? Welcome to our Vietnamese Heavenly Group, mwah!\nZLY, WGN: ……\n
2. Age this year?\nZLY: My zodiac sign is the tiger!\nWGN: ……\nZLY: Shoushou, why aren’t you answering?\nWGN: …… Rabbit.\nZLY: Pooh——*cough cough*, this shows that we’re a match made in heaven! The old saying is right …… tiger gong and rabbit shou make the best pair!\nAh Zhi: Which saying is this? Never heard of it ……\nZLY: Get lost!\n
3. Your best asset?\nZLY: Looks good!\nWGN: Smart!\nAh Zhi: You guys really dare to say this ……\n
4. The other’s best asset?\nWGN: Cooks well.\nZLY: Has manners. *unhappy* ……\n
5. When did you first meet?\nWGN, ZLY: Military training in the first year of university.\n
6. First impression of each other?\nZLY: *Cough* …… Egomaniac!\nWGN: …… Yeah, ugly freak!\nZLY: Shoushou, you must have been mistaken, that must have been the person next to me! \nWGN: Next to you? Who’s that?\nZLY: Li Sihong. [see chapter 14]\nAh Zhi: You’re still not letting off this person, huh ……\n
7. What do you usually call each other?\nZLY: Shoushou.\nWGN: Zhang Lingyi.\nZLY: Not sweet at all. Shoushou, do call me husband [lit. old gong — pun on “husband”] from now on!\nWGN: How does calling you eunuch [lit. gong gong — pun on “eunuch”] sound?\nZLY: Uh, sounds bad.\n
8. What would you choose as a gift for each other?\nZLY: SpongeBob SquarePants!\nWGN: ……\nZLY: Hahahahaha, all shoushou‘s don’t have a conscience. You truly don’t know what I like!\nWGN *red-faced*: Isn’t it me!\nZLY: Then, gimme now! Come, just one mwah ~\nWGN: Get outta here!\n
9. Where did you go for your first date? What did you do?\nZLY: Went on a walk ……\nWGN: Bought couple outfits ……\n
10. What was your mood at the time?\nWGN: Why weren’t there SpongeBob SquarePants couple outfits! *Angry* (╰_╯)#\nZLY: Good thing we didn’t buy SpongeBob SquarePants couple outfits …… post-traumatic stress!\nWGN: Zhang Lingyi!\nZLY: Ah! It’s deep regret!\nAh Zhi: Zhang Lingyi, you are truly are henpecked [lit. by the shou instead of the wife] ~\n
11. Who confessed first?\nWGN: Him, of course! *proud*\nZLY: But the very first to want to confess was him, only that he wasn’t able to say it ~\nAh Zhi: Zhang Lingyi, you still dare to speak of it!\nWGN: Zhang! Ling! Yu!\nZLY: No, nothing like that! I’m the one who confessed first! I coveted Shoushou’s beauty, and couldn’t extricate myself ~\n
12. If you suspect the other of a change of heart, what would you do?\nZLY: Shoushou would definitely not be unfaithful to me!\nWGN: Yup, burst his chrysanthemum once, then break up! \nAh Zhi: Could you be more reserved, please, our school’s handsome guy ~\nWGN: Yup, reservedly burst his chrysanthemum!\nZLY: Shoushou, don’t worry, I will only love you my whole life! *serious face*\n
13. Could you forgive the other for a change of heart?\nZLY: Shoushou will definitely not be unfaithful to me!\nWGN: Yes, if he changes gender!\nZLY: Shoushou, don’t worry, I will only love you my whole life! *serious face*\n
14. Have you had an argument?\nWGN: Often!\nZLY: Beatings express closeness and scoldings express affection! [allusion to an idiom about flirting through bantering]\nWGN: Come, lemme have a kiss [pun on the word for “closeness”]!\nZLY: Wow, Shoushou is taking the lead! *brings face over*\n*pia*—\nZLY: Shoushou, why did you hit me?\nWGN: Beatings express closeness!\nZLY: ……\n
15. What do you argue about?\nWGN: Of course, it’s when he comes up with fanciful ideas.\nAh Zhi: Such as?\nWGN: Sometimes, he would have the unrealistic thought that he’s more handsome than me!\nZLY: Shoushou, you shouldn’t take advantage of the fact that I love you to suppress me!\nWGN: Then between us, who’s more handsome?\nZLY: …… You.\n
16. How do you show that you love him?\nWGN: Cook for him!\nZLY: …… Eat the food that he cooks.\nAh Zhi: They truly love each other, yeah ~\n
17. Do you get a sense of inferiority when you’re together?\nZLY, WGN: I’m afraid he’ll feel inferior.\nAh Zhi: Could you be more shameless?\n
18. Are you the shou or the gong?\nWGN: I’m the gong!\nZLY: *cough* I’m the gong at home, and act as the shou outside!\nLove him, so pretend to be shou for him!\n
19. This question is for Wang Guangning — if Zhang Lingyi and SpongeBob SquarePants both fall into the water at the same time, who would you save?\nWGN: Call him to help me save SpongeBob SquarePants.\nZLY: T T Shoushou, SpongeBob SquarePants wouldn’t be afraid of the water ……\nWGN: Oh, that’s right. \nAh Zhi: Hahahahaha ……\n
20. What can’t you stand about each other the most?\nWGN: Childish!\nZLY: Unwilling to be childish with me!\nAh Zhi: What counts as being childish with you?\nZLY: Play Plants vs. Zombies with me, pretend to be Chomper protected by Peanut.\nWGN: It’s Wall-nut, thanks! \n
21. What does the other do that makes you really happy?\nWGN: Admit that I’m more handsome and smarter than him.\nZLY: T T If Shoushou is happy, then I’m happy!\n
22. If the other person is late for a date by more than an hour, what would you do?\nZLY: Wait until he turns up ……\nWGN: Yup, he’d probably turn up only an hour earlier! \n
23. When did you first feel moved by the other person?\nZLY: Should be when we went star-gazing together. That time, I … got hard!\nWGN: +1.\nAh Zhu: You guys are so bold! \n
24. When did you think he might not love you anymore?\nZLY: When he’s with SpongeBob SquarePants?\nWGN: When he was with Luo Zihui.\nAh Zhu: Kneel quickly, Zhang Lingyi!\nZLY: QAQ You still remember after so many years ……\n
25. So, is Dafa’s surname Zhang or Wang?\nWGN: Wang, of course.\nZLY: …… Wang …… ba …… [together, the homophone for sonafabtch]\nWGN: You’re the SOB! Your whole family’s full of SOBs!\nZLY: Shoushou, don’t say it like that — you’re my whole family now!