I returned home a little later than usual, thanks to the consideration of my alliance partner. With the nameplate of âTsujikawaâ engraved on the front door, I unlocked the key to my new house, which felt a little heavy.
Iâd want to hide my breath and go straight upstairs so that I wouldnât be seenâŚâŚbut Iâd make sure to show my face in the living room.
ââŚ..Iâm home.â
âWelcome home.â
My mom, who was writing a manuscript on a tablet spread out on the living room table, looked up and welcomed me home.
âWelcome back, Kouta-kun. Good work on your part-time job.â
And the man who greeted me with my mom was Tsujikawa Akihiro, my new father, and my momâs new husband.
Even though he should be busy with his workâŚâŚhe still welcomed me, he was a good person after all.
âIâm going to make Makiko-san a coffee now, do you want one too?â
âAhâŚhmm, Iâm fine. Thank you.â
âI see. Itâs almost nighttime, too.â
Not seeming particularly offended, Akihiro-san made the coffee for my mom.
âThenâŚâŚIâm going back to my room. Good night.â
âYeah. Good night. Have a good nightâs rest.â
What was the point of showing up in the living room? Akihiro-san didnât point it out or probe me in any particular way, and he just let me go as I headed upstairs to my room.
He was really a good personâŚâŚ.
When I had contact with Akihiro-san, I really think about it.
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I was such a child/brat. I still hadnât fit in, in fact, I was even running away from them, and I felt guilty about that.
âHow much do I have to disappoint them?
ââŚ.ahâŚshit. I just remembered something bad.â
His voice flashed back in my head.
A memory that was etched deep into my mind, a memory that I couldnât forget even now.
âFucking fatherâŚâ (+)
It was truly insane that I couldnât honestly call a nice person like Akihiro-san âdadâ, but I could still call that asshole of a father âfatherâ.
At times like this, I realized that I hate myself.
I knew that the existence of a âfatherâ in my mind was complicated in many ways. And that âthat guyâ was still sitting in my heart.
âŚâŚLetâs just take a quick bath and go to bed.
I decided so in my mind and just as I was about to walk down the upstairs corridor.
âI didnât know you were back.â
The owner of the voice that was called to me was a girl one year younger than me.
Her slightly smaller build was wrapped in light-colored loungewear. Her waist-length hair was unkempt, and her appearance and mannerisms gave the impression of neatness and elegance.
âAhâŚyeah. Iâm home, Tsujikawa.â
âWelcome back, Narumi-senpaiâ
We greeted each other awkwardly. I managed to squeeze out a few words, but the other person was, TsujikawaâŚâŚTsujikawa Kotomi, who was now my step-sister.
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ââŚâŚâ
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The conversation ended when we finished greeting each other. Both parties were silent, and a very awkward time passed. I would like to go into the room quickly, but I had to cross Tsujikawa to do so. The hallway wasnât that wide. âŚâŚmeans that itâs impossible.
ââŚ.what did you say about dad?â
âAhâ
I remembered the words I threw up just a few minutes ago, âFucking fatherâŚâŚâ
Not good. Certainly, if she only heard the words here, it could be taken as a word of dissatisfaction and cursing against Akihiro-sanâŚâŚTsujikawaâs dad.
âNo, no. That was me talking to myselfâŚahâŚno, I donât mean that.â
The excuses were becoming more and more absurd. Instead of clearing up misunderstandings, I gave credibility to the misunderstandings.
âI wasnât talking about Akihiro-san, I was talking about my father beforeâŚâŚ.â
âI seeâŚâ
At least the misunderstanding had been cleared up. I felt relieved inwardly.
âYou were home later than usual.â
âIâm sorry. I was taking a friend home.â
I immediately made use of the alliance excuse that we just concluded.
âI understand your situation, but even so, I think you should at least contact us. Mother was worried about you.â
Mother, huhâŚ
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Tsujikawa was amazing. I hadnât even been able to call Akihiro-san âdadâ to his face yet. Therefore, I felt shame and guilt in the pit of my stomach.
âIâm sorry. Iâll be careful from now on.â
âThat would be goodâŚI thinkâ
After saying this, Tsujikawa turned away and went back to her room.
âItâs a normal âfamilyâ when everyone is together.â
I felt like I had just finished a big boss battle. I let out a breath of relief, and when I returned to my room, âI suddenly think.
I ran into Tsujikawa in the hallway. That means Tsujikawa must have needed to go downstairs.
If that was the caseâŚâŚI wonder what Tsujikawa was going to do when she came out of her room in the end.
Leaving a small mystery behind, the night passed.
***
The next morning.
After washing my face, I walked into the living room to find an elegant fragrance that went well with the fresh morning air.
âGood morning, Kouta-kun.â
âGood morningâŚâŚâ
Alright. Now Iâd completed my morning greeting quota. I hate myselfâŚfor making it into a quota.
âGood morning, Kouta. Come on, you too, quickly get to the table. Kotomi-chan made breakfast for you today, too.â
On the table was white rice, salmon grilled in soy sauce, miso soup, and side dishes such as Japanese spinach.
It was a typical breakfast. When I lived with my mom, we usually had toast. Because of her work (?), Mom was often up late at night. In the morning, that was all she would eat. Of course, I never complained about that. In fact, I didnât even want her to take extra time for me. Because of this, I was a little surprised every time I saw such an elaborate breakfast.
âItadakimasu.â
I sat down on the chair and gratefully ate my breakfast.
âOhâdelicious. Iâm so lucky to be able to eat this kind of breakfast every day.â
âThank you, mom. Is there anything you donât like?â
âNo, no. Anything that Kotomi-chan makes is delicious. Right, Kouta?â
âA-ah, yeah. Theyâre all delicious.â
âThatâs good to hear. âŚâŚreally, dad, why donât you learn a little bit from the two of them? I canât believe you still canât eat green peppers.â
âUhh. B-because itâs bitter, thatâs why.â
âYouâre not a child anymore.â
âIâm ashamedâŚâ
From the outside, it must be an act of a happy family gathering. Perhaps.
But I knew. I knew that this happy family conversation was about avoiding certain topics as much as possible. If I were to use an analogy, it would be like carefully navigating through a minefield while avoiding visible landmines. Thatâs how it feels.
And since I realized that I was the one who had created this minefield, I felt sorry and uncomfortable.
âSpeaking of which, Kotomi. Have you gotten used to high school yet?â
âYes. There are no problems.â
âHave you decided which club youâre going to join?â
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âNot yetâŚâŚ Iâm actually still in the process of deciding if I want to join the club.â
âRight. Think carefully. Iâm sure Kotomi-chan will do well no matter what she doesââ
There, momâs words stopped. She looked as if she had accidentally stepped on a land mine.
âThatâs right. Iâm sure Tsujikawa will do well no matter what she does. So donât worry about it, just take your time and think it over.â
I wonder if I could have successfully connected my momâs words that were cut off.
I didnât even have the time to ask them about it.
âThank you for the food.â
After chomping down on a carefully prepared breakfast in one gulp, I put away the dishes.
âThen, Iâll go first. Iâm off.â
âY-yeah. Take care.â
I grabbed my bag and left the house as it was. Although I arrived at school much earlier than usual, it couldnât be helped.
I was an obstacle in the way of a relaxed family gathering.
***
âSimply put, I was a child who failed to live up to his fatherâs expectations.
I never reached the level that satisfied my father, either athletically or academically. That was the cause of my momâs divorce.
And her second marriage partner, Akihiro-san, had Tsujikawa Kotomi, who was perfect in everything she did.
Me, who was a failure, and my step-sister, who was perfect.
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Although she didnât state this clearly, she must have made up her mind to remarry Akihiro-san and welcomed a perfect girl named Tsujikawa Kotomi.
She never said anything on the subject that would hurt me, who was abandoned by my father as a failure.
For example, not comparing a brother with his stepsister.
For example, not praising the step-sister too much for her excellence.
For example, not mentioning personal abilities.
When dealing with me, she used those topics as NG words.
Of course, the divorce story must have been shared with Akihiro-san.
That was my momâs way of showing consideration. A rule as a new family.
Howeverâthat would also be to undermine the praise that Tsujikawa Kotomi, who was my stepsister, was supposed to be receiving.
I found it difficult. Acting as a parent with a failed son and a talented stepsister must be difficult.
ButâŚsuch âconsiderationâ was inevitably felt by me.
If I knew I was being cared for, it would still make me feel uncomfortable.
But it wasnât my momâs fault, it wasnât Akihiro-sanâs fault, it couldnât have been Tsujikawa Kotomiâs fault.
Then who was to blame? It was obvious.
There was only one person. A failure named Narumi Kouta.
It was none other than me who was ruining the new happy family gathering.
âThatâs why itâs hard to stayâŚâŚin that house because I know that.â