CH 48

Chapter 48

Kazemiya Kohaku breaks down

Translated by Dawn

Kazemiya Kohaku breaks down

“It was really tough…”

In our usual spot at the familiar family restaurant.

Kazemiya sat there, sipping her usual tea, with a distant look in her eyes.

“What is?”

“I’m not telling.”

“Well, at least stop giving me that resentful stare.”

“Nope.”

Ever since Kotomi came home, Kazemiya had been like this for the past few days. I could sense that something was going on between them, but whenever I tried to ask about it, she blushed and refused to talk. It was not a fight or anything tense like that, so I wasn’t too worried.

“So, do you want to order anything else?”

“Hmm…”

“By the way, I’m ordering the strawberry parfait.”

“……Then, I’ll have the same.”

“Mhm.”

We’d already gotten used to the new touch-panel system at this restaurant, so we quickly navigated through the menu and ordered two strawberry parfaits.

“…”

“Are you nervous?”

“Well, yeah, kinda… By the way, Narumi, you seem pretty calm.”

“I’m not doing anything special. It’s all on you, Kazemiya. I’m just here to support you.”

“You’re doing something special.”

“Supporting Kazemiya is neither special nor extraordinary. It’s just a normal thing for me.”

“…Is that so?”

“Yeah. Boyfriends supporting their girlfriends is supposed to be normal, isn’t it?”

Therefore, what was about to begin was just normal and part of my everyday life.

“I’ll support you no matter what you do and be on your side, Kazemiya. When you want to cry, I’ll hold you tight, and when you’re hurt, I’ll pamper you a lot.”

“… aah”

When I expressed my honest feelings, Kazemiya slumped onto the table.

“If I ever become a mess……it’s definitely your fault, Narumi.”

“Why?”

In response to my question, Kazemiya blushed and showed me that adorable face.

“…With a boyfriend like you, it’s obvious that I’ll rely on you.”

“Well, that’s good to hear. Since Kazemiya isn’t good at relying on others, I actually thought it would be nice if you relied on me so much that you become a mess.”

“…If I really become a mess, promise to take responsibility.”

“I will.”

“I might not work. I’ll be a mess, after all.”

“I’ll work, so it’s not a problem.”

“I might not do any housework.”

“Then, I’ll start practicing from now on.”

“No… That’s a lie. Sorry. It was a joke. I’ll work, and I’ll do the housework. How far are you planning to spoil me?”

“Until Kazemiya becomes a total mess and falls completely for me.”

“It doesn’t sound like a joke, which is what makes it so bad.”

“I wasn’t joking.”

Kazemiya looked puzzled, but for me, it was frustrating that my feelings didn’t seem to get through.

How much Kazemiya had saved my heart. How much she had changed my life. How she had helped me.

“…I might suddenly hug you.”

“Then I’ll hug you too.”

“I might not let go.”

“I won’t let go either.”

“If I ask for a kiss?”

“I’ll kiss you, and even before you ask, I’ll initiate it.”

“……”

“…Even if you say ‘wait,’ I won’t.”

“…It’s impossible. I can’t win. I feel defeated. My boyfriend is too strong.”

Come to think of it, was this even a matter of winning or losing? What did it matter who won?

“But it’s your fault, Narumi. Like, this is… I’m too happy, and no matter what I say, it’s losing its persuasive power.”

“Isn’t that fine?”

“…Is it really?”

“It’s better to just show it off. Show off your happiness, Kazemiya.”

The strawberry parfait we ordered was brought to the table.

Dessert after the meal. Once we eat this, we’d embark on the final boss battle.

“Well, let’s go after we eat this.”

“Mm… Yeah.”

I picked at the parfait while feeling Kazemiya’s frustrated gaze.

As I took a bite of the perfectly arranged strawberry, Kazemiya seized the opportunity and spoke up as if she had been waiting for the right moment.

“Hey, Narumi. I wonder… if we kiss after eating this parfait… would it taste like strawberries?”

“Are you curious?”

“…And what about you, Narumi?”

“I’m curious, so I want to check the answer with Kazemiya later.”

“…Why can you say things like that so casually?”

“Should I refrain from saying it, then?”

“……………..no.”

It seemed that Kazemiya intended that as her own surprise attack.

Unfortunately, her face, even as she ate the ice cream that was served with the parfait, wouldn’t cool down for quite some time.

***

—I’m sorry, Narumi. I… I ran away from home.

That day, I escaped from my house.

And now, I was walking back along the same path I fled.

—……is that okay with you, Mom?

—As long as you don’t cause any trouble for Kuon, it’s not a problem.

—…I’m really leaving.

—If you can leave, then go ahead. …Well, you’ll probably come crawling back soon enough.

—……

Looking back, that exchange was just me, a needy and selfish child, seeking attention.

Just recalling it made me feel pathetic, embarrassed, and shallow. To be honest, I wanted to run away right now.

But there was someone who accepted all of me, even the parts I couldn’t accept myself.

That was why I mustered the courage to choose this path.

I decided to return to this house I’d escaped from multiple times.

“……Thank you.”

The moment I saw the door of the house, I wished for someone to hold my hand.

And at that moment, Narumi was already holding my hand.

“…Kazemiya, are you really okay with this?”

“…Yeah. From here on, I’ll go alone.”

“…I see. Well, if anything happens, just call me. I’ll come running.”

“What kind of things?”

“Like when you want to cry in your boyfriend’s arms.”

“You’re such an idiot.”

I felt like I’d want to cry right away. I wanted to cry in those arms.

“…Well then, I’m off.”

“Take care.”

I took a deep breath, exhale, and compose myself. I unlocked the door, open it, and step inside.

“…I’m home.”

I returned to the house I ran away from.

“………”

Walking alone in the dimly lit hallway without any lights, my heart raced with each step I took.

The living room, which I reached after passing through the hallway, was also devoid of light. The curtains were tightly closed, and the floor of the dim room was scattered with objects. It looked as if a tantrum-throwing child wreaked havoc here.

“…Why? How? Kuon… Kuon… I’m… I’m not like that. I’m… different. I’m not at fault. I’m different. It’s not me. I’m not the bad guy. I’m not… Why… Why don’t you understand… I’m…”

—Because of that incident… Maybe she’s still locked up at home muttering to herself.

The words of my sister that Narumi shared with me flashed through my mind.

Indeed, in the dimly lit living room, Mom was muttering something to herself, all alone.

“That’s right… I’m not at fault. I’m not… Kohaku… That’s right… That child is the one at fault. That child… That child should be held responsible… If my words don’t reach her… Kohaku. If I can convince Kohaku… She should listen to what I say… She should forgive me… That’s right… If Kohaku is here…!”

—After indulging in escapism for a while, she’ll most likely seek solace with Kohaku-chan. Yes… she’ll find Kohaku-chan within a few days.

My sister’s absolute prediction seemed to have hit the mark. If I hadn’t returned on my own, Mom would surely have searched for me.

Mom, who stood up unsteadily, caught sight of me through the gaps in her disheveled hair.

And with a twisted expression on her face, she forces a deceitful, shallow smile.

“Ah… Kohaku. Kohaku. You’ve come back…?”

“…Yeah. I’ve come back, Mom.”

“Haha! Look at you! You’ve come back! To cling to me! I was right after all!”

“……Mom…”

She didn’t even say a simple “Welcome back” to me.

There were no words that were commonplace in Narumi’s house. It was lonely without them. But this was my home.

“Hey… Kohaku. Persuade Kuon to forgive me, please.”

『That child should listen to what you say.』

“That child should listen to what you say.”

『I’ve been harsh on you all this time, and I’m sorry.』

“I’ve been harsh on you all this time, and I’m sorry.”

『But I had no choice. It was for Kuon’s sake.』

“But I had no choice. It was for Kuon’s sake.”

『Do you have any complaints? Mom will fix it.』

“Do you have any complaints? Mom will fix it.”

Ah… Everything is just as my sister said.

My sister saw through every word and action of Mom.

My sister knew that Mom would turn out like this… yet she did nothing.

My sister… she truly… gave up on Mom… on the concept of ‘family’.

“……I had so many complaints.”

Ah, no… They were overflowing.

“I wanted to go out as a family. I wanted to go on family trips. I wanted you to come to my school events. I wanted you to cheer for me on sports day. I wanted us to run together in a three-legged race. I wanted you to praise me when I got good grades. I wanted you to make my bento. I wanted to have a part-time job. I wanted to discuss my future with you. I wanted you to worry about me. I wanted you to have expectations of me. I wanted you to never give up on me. I wanted you to never abandon me.”

They were pouring out. They wouldn’t stop.

“I… wanted you to… look at me.”

Sobs mixed in. Tears flowed embarrassingly.

“…I’m sorry… I know… that all of this is just my selfishness…”

I knew.

“…You raised me and my sister all by yourself. We don’t even know what happened to our dad… or what he was like… but… raising two children alone, I know it’s tough… I don’t understand everything, but I understand a little… I’m already in high school… I should be able to endure this kind of selfishness… I know that…”

I actually knew.

“…It was me who admired my sister and said I wanted to become like her… It was something I started with my own will… Mom, you listened to my selfishness. You let me take the same lessons as my sister… You had expectations for me too… It’s because I couldn’t meet those expectations… It was my own doing… I gave up on my own and got discouraged by my sister’s talents… I was just spinning my wheels and self-destructing on my own…”

I knew. I pretended not to see. It was me who started it.

“Even so, deep down in my heart, I blamed it on you, Mom… I thought it was Mom’s fault… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Mom, even though you went through so much… I only thought about myself… I didn’t understand anything…”

“It’s alright, Kohaku. I forgive you. As your mother, I forgive you for everything. I’ll pretend like it never happened. So, Kuon…”

“…That’s why I’m leaving this house.”

The room fell silent. Mom opened her mouth, her eyes widening, staring at me in disbelief.

“…Huh? What are you saying?”

…Ah, finally. I felt like she was really seeing me.

“…Sis told me that she’s prepared a new home for me. I’ve decided to live there. So… Mom, we’re parting ways.”

“Why? Why? Why are you leaving? Why, you?”

“…I’ve always blamed you, Mom. I’ve blamed you for my pain, for being alone, for all the dissatisfaction… Everything, all of it… I blamed you for it. So I want to stop doing that. I don’t want to blame you anymore, that’s why I’m leaving this house.”

“…………”

“I’m still an ignorant child, and in the first place, the house and money were all provided by Sis… I’m not completely independent, so I can’t really speak with authority… But… little by little, I want to start anew.”

“…You’re bound to fail. You’re bound to face setbacks. You’ll get hurt and suffer, it’s inevitable!”

“That’s fine. That’s okay. From now on, I want to take responsibility for my failures, setbacks, wounds, and pain… Instead of blaming you, Mom, and running away, I want to hurt on my own.”

“But that’s impossible, obviously. There’s no way you can endure all of that!”

“Maybe you’re right. But it’s alright. When that happens… I’ll have my boyfriend comfort me.”

I was happy. I was happy right now. So, it’d be alright, Mom.

“Hey, Mom. You know, I have someone who will run away with me when things get tough when I’m exhausted when I fail and fall, when I’m hurt and in pain.”

“Kohaku…”

“That’s why it’s okay for you to run away too. Maybe it’s impossible to do it forever… Someday, we’ll have to start walking again… But for now, it’s okay to run away. Run away and take a rest.”

“Wait…”

“After running away, resting, and healing your heart… I don’t know what choices you’ll make…”

“Wait. Kohaku…”

“Maybe you’ll still only see Sis. Maybe you won’t see me at all. But still… I… I want to be with Mom and our family again someday.”

“Wait. Please… If you abandon me, what will I…”

“That’s why for now, let’s break our family apart. So we can start from scratch.”

I no longer saw my mom’s face. I turned around, walked back to the hallway, and headed straight for the door.

“Hey! Wait! Don’t leave! Help me! Don’t abandon me! Please! Kohaku! Koha–“

“…Goodbye, Mom. I’ll be going now.”

I strained my ears until the door closed. But I never heard the words “Take care” that I had been longing to hear.

“Kazemiya.”

“Narumi…”

Narumi was waiting right beside the door. How much time had passed? I didn’t know. It felt both long and short.

“……..!”

I almost burst into tears, raising my voice in an embarrassing manner. Unable to bear it any longer, I jumped into Narumi’s arms. Narumi silently accepted me.

“You’ve endured well.”

“I haven’t…”

“You were suppressing your voice.”

“…How did you…”

“You don’t have to endure anymore. Cry your heart out.”

“It’s… bothersome to the neighbors…”

“That’s why I’m hugging you like this.”

I cried. I screamed. I poured out all my tears and screams into Narumi’s chest.

It was painful to leave Mom. It was sad to destroy my family with my own hands. It was hard to push Mom away. The guilt weighed heavily on my chest when I thought about Mom, who would be alone from now on.

…But it was not over yet. There were still things I have to do. But… for now, let’s cry. In these arms.

To face my other family member that awaited me.