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As I Want to Do It
Mikoto-san and I were walking up the hill together in a slightly awkward atmosphere.
We were on our way home, but if anyone saw us, it might be a problem.
Just as Yuki had misunderstood earlier.
Halfway up the hill, Mikoto-san turned around and looked back at me.
The hem of her one-piece dress swung softly, and I caught a glimpse of her beautiful white legs.
“Akihara-kun, are you quite popular with the ladies?”
“I don’t think so, but…”
“Then, what was that thing you were talking about earlier?”
By earlier, she meant that my friend Yuki had said something to the effect that she liked me and left.
To be honest, I had never thought that Yuki liked me.
Yuki was always eager to bring me and Kaho together.
When I failed to confess my feelings to Kaho, she got depressed as if it was her own fault.
What was that all about?
I pondered.
“I don’t think it’s possible for me to be popular.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have what it takes to be popular.”
“But, Akihara-kun, you are very kind.”
“If being kind is a compliment, it means you have nothing else to offer.”
“You don’t have to be so mean. I think I can understand why Akihara-kun is liked by girls.”
Mikoto-san said so gently.
But I don’t think I’m kind, nor do I think I have any reason to be liked by the girls.
Both Kaho and Yuki were hurt as a result of me.
Maybe it’s all my fault.
What should I do?
My thoughts were going in circles, and I couldn’t think straight.
Mikoto-san looked into my eyes with concern.
“Akihara-kun, are you allright?”
“What is it?”
“You look very distressed.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah…Yesterday’s Sasaki-san and today’s Sakurai-san are both terrible, aren’t they? They didn’t listen to Akihara-kun and annoyed him.”
“I don’t blame those two. I’m probably the worst one.”
“Blaming yourself like that is the worst thing you can do.”
Mikoto-san said as if she was worried about me.
Somehow, Mikoto-san seemed to be concerned about me.
The first time I met her, I couldn’t have imagined that she would be this concerned about me.
“…You seem kind today, Mikoto-san.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, it would be nice if it was always like this.”
“Does it make you happy, Akihara-kun?”
“Yeah. You don’t have to worry about not wanting to be in debt, or not bothering people, or anything like that. Just treat me normally, like this, and that will be fine.”
“… I don’t understand what it means to be normal with people.”
“What do you mean?”
“I … umm… I …… didn’t have many friends, and it’s like I don’t have … any family… So… So, I don’t know what it is like to interact with people in a normal way.”
Mikoto-san said shyly.
The Ice Goddess is the object of admiration at school, an incredibly beautiful girl, and so brilliant that she ranks second in her grade.
And, although I don’t know the details, she seemed to have complicated circumstances.
However, I thought at the time that if you remove those outer circumstances, Mikoto-san is just an ordinary girl.
Mikoto-san looked at me.
“What is the relationship between me and Akihara-kun?　Sasaki-san is your childhood friend and Sakurai-san is your friend. Then, what about me?”
“Does that have anything to do with ‘treat each other normally’?”
“Of course. Because friends have a ‘normal’ way of being friends, and parents and children have a normal way of being parents and children. Lovers have a normal way to treat each other. But we are none of the above.”
“My cousin. My classmate. Is that not good enough?”
“…Both of them are correct …, but I don’t think they’re right either way.”
“Then you can do whatever you want, Mikoto-san.”
“Eh?”
“It is a normal way of relating to me that you do what you want to do. You can do what you want to do, without any obligation, duty, rightness, or anything like that.”
“My … desire?”
“Yeah, yeah. Think about it.”
I don’t care if you just shrug me off or call me a “jerk”.
However, I didn’t want her to refuse me because she didn’t want to owe me anything, or because she didn’t want to cause me trouble, or because she didn’t like to get along with others, or some such excuse.
Perhaps it is none of my business, but that is probably not what Mikoto-san really meant.
I thought that the real Mikoto-san was just timid.
“As I want to do, huh? ……Yeah.
Mikoto-san mumbled quietly.
And then she stared at me.
“Akihara-kun.”
“What?”
“I asked you earlier, what shall we have for … dinner?”
“I’m fine with whatever you want, Mikoto-san.”
I smiled.
Until the other day, she said she would never eat my cooking again, but now Mikoto-san is asking me for the menu like this.
It’s much easier for me as a roommate to do things like this.
I have to think about Kaho and Yuki, but for now, let’s think about tonight’s dinner.
Mikoto-san’s cheeks tinted, she said quietly.
“I’d like curry.”