Chapter 26 - A life without being hugged

It was almost midnight, and Jian Qiao, whose body wasn’t fully recovered, had already reached his limit. He was drowsy, but because of his fear of nightmares he forced himself to stay alert, which made his face even paler than usual.

Rege, who was constantly observing him, immediately noticed the difference. “Andrew and the others may decide to play until the early hours. Why don’t you go back, I’ll see you off.”

“Then I’ll leave first.” Jian Qiao immediately stood up.

In front of Rege, he didn’t need to maintain perfect aristocratic etiquette, nor did he need to be solicitous at all times. Uncomfortable is uncomfortable, wanting to leave is wanting to leave, there was no need to put on a false front.

“Go wait by the door, I’ll bring you a cloak.” Rege took Jian Qiao to the side hall to whisper an order before he walked to his bedroom.

The servant just now had told him it was raining outside, and he knew how cold and rainy an early spring night could be. At this time of year, even the elusive owls would fly into cabins to share a warm fire with a hunter, in spite of the danger.

Rege had previously noticed the gentleman Earl wore only a cashmere coat. That obviously wasn’t enough to keep him warm.

“You should know your own physical condition best. When others put on a coat, you need to add a cloak. When others add a cloak, you need an eiderdown vest. You should always add one more layer than other people, no mistake about it,” Rege recited as they walked.

Jian Qiao nodded obediently, “Right, I know, I’ll pay attention in the future.”

His meekness made Rege reveal a satisfied smile before he strode upstairs. With his voice full of energy he said, “Just wait here, I’ll be right back.”

The thumping footsteps receded. Jian Qiao stood in place for a while, then put his hands behind his back and slowly paced.

Suddenly an aged voice came from the corridor outside. “My lord, are you lost?”

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Jian Qiao looked back, then immediately walked over and bowed. “How do you do, Duke. I’m not lost, I’m waiting for Rege. He should be here in a moment. I’m Jian Qiao, son of Ronseth Qiao. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Ah, so it’s the son of Ronseth, you’ve grown so big. How time flies!” The Duke of Grande showed an expression of realization, and there was a faint light in his clouded eyes.

He seemed to recall the rosy years of his past.

Jian Qiao looked at him with surprise.

In just a few days, this hale and hearty old man had grown haggard. The hair at his temples was bleached by frost and a few new wrinkles crept onto his forehead. The turmoil in his family had drained away the powerful aura of yesterday.

The power in his hands seemed to dissipate like a cloud of smoke, leaving him with nothing in the end. This was the reason he didn’t appear at the banquet. Just as Rege said, his time was over.

“Rege asked you to wait here? Are you a friend of his?” the Duke of Grande asked.

“Yes, we’re good friends.” Jian Qiao was very sure about this friendship.

The Duke of Grande’s eyes lit up slightly, and his attitude immediately became kind and enthusiastic. “Then can I give you a tour of this old castle? It’s more than two hundred years old. The long years have eroded its high walls, but they’ve also given many priceless treasures, which I think you’d be interested in. We can talk as we go.”

He wanted to get close to and understand his only son. Sadly, as a father, he could only resort to this roundabout approach.

“Of course, it’s my honor.” Jian Qiao wouldn’t turn down an invitation from an old man.

He told the servants in the side hall where he was going and followed the old Duke out.

“Let me take you to see Rege’s favorite place. It’s full of his trophies,” the old Duke said warmly.

The two walked farther and farther.

A few moments later, Rege ran down the stairs holding a mink cloak. When he didn’t see Jian Qiao, his face sank.

The attendant standing at the side immediately said, “His Grace took the Earl on a tour.”

“A tour of what?” Rege felt relieved.

The old man was eccentric and muddled, but he was gentle and polite to the guests. He wouldn’t give Jian Qiao a hard time.

“I think they went to your gallery, my lord,” the servant guessed.

Rege: “! ! !”

“ Shit! ”

This time Rege really did burst into expletives. He couldn’t tell why he was so anxious, but he really didn’t want Jian Qiao to go to that gallery and see his “great achievements”. The walls were covered with almost a hundred pictures of beauties, what kind of impression would that give Jian Qiao?

In the past, Rege was proud of his exploits. He often took his guests there, pointing out one painting after another, proudly introducing them. Which of the beauties was spirited or gentle, warm and cute or colder than ice, how they shed tears of pain when they broke up, how they hugged him and begged him to stay, all as if it happened yesterday.

When it came to his conquests Rege had a perfect memory and could talk on and on with limitless eloquence. He believed a “rich love history” and “battle scars” had equivalent value, they were both a man’s medals.

But when these medals were placed before Jian Qiao, he felt uneasy, even vaguely ashamed.

He didn’t know why he’d become so strange—but he was certain he didn’t want Jian Qiao exposed to such things.

Jian Qiao hadn’t yet had a lover, and Rege had no eagerness whatsoever to arouse Jian Qiao’s desire to find one. He ran at full speed like a cheetah down the corridor, knocking over several servants in the way, smashing cups and plates all over the floor, making people tumble off their feet.

Finally, just as Jian Qiao’s foot was about to step into the gallery, Rege arrived.

“Sorry I’m late! Put on the cloak!” He opened the cloak, stuffed Jian Qiao inside, then grabbed the other man’s head and swiveled him the other direction.

Jian Qiao didn’t have time to see anything before his vision went black.

“Your carriage is ready, come on, I’ll take you there. We’ll visit the castle another time.” Rege half-dragged and half-carried Jian Qiao away.

As he crossed the threshold he glared at the old Duke and gave him a threatening wave of his fist.

It reminded the old Duke of when Rege was a child learning swordplay. Every time he lost a bout to his father, he’d show the same indignant expression and wave his small fists a few times. He was a child with a strong desire to win.

Back then they still fought like ordinary father and son. They’d quarrel but reconcile the next day.

He loved this child. The child loved him too.

But then, everything changed….

The old Duke’s eyes grew damp. This period of numbness finally transformed into belated painful regret, which stabbed deep into his heart and turned into a festering wound. He followed the two of them into the falling rain and opened his mouth to say something, but there was a touch of coldness on the tip of his tongue.

It left him unable to say anything.

At the same moment, Jian Qiao also opened his mouth, but he didn’t know how to organize his words.

Where’s this hug we talked about before?

Rege, with his arms crossed over his chest, looked over at him calmly.

Presented with this closed-off posture, Jian Qiao had no choice but to board the carriage with the help of the servants.

But at that moment Rege reached out his hand and grabbed the back of his collar. With a voice full of laughter he asked, “Aren’t you going to give me a farewell hug?”

Jian Qiao didn’t hesitate. He immediately turned around and embraced his close friend. When his jaw gently knocked into Rege’s shoulder, his floating heart seemed to fall down to earth.

Five years of confusion and uncertainty found a clear exit in that moment, gradually dissipating into the warmth of the light. He finally began to blend into this strange world, and let a piece of this world into his lonely heart.

“How wonderful!” He let out a meaningless exclamation with a contented sigh.

“What’s so good about it?” Rege asked as always.

“It’s good to be in your arms.” Jian Qiao replied without thinking.

Rege: “…”

He could guarantee that one hundred percent of his lovers had said similar things. But what came out of their mouths was the same old boring, clichéd love words he’d been tired of hearing for ages, yet when spoken by the gentleman Earl they possessed an indescribable infectious power.

Rege’s heart grew hot because of this.

“Promise me you won’t say such things to others,” he pleaded.

“Yes, I should get going.” Jian Qiao retreated from his friend’s embrace and slowly got into the carriage.

Rege promptly stepped forward to help, but his heart felt hollow. That hug was too short.

However, in the next second, his heart was filled again with the gentleman Earl’s sweet words.

He saw Jian Qiao stick his head out of the carriage window and say quietly, “You’re the only one I can say such things to, because you’re the only one who’s ever hugged me since I was a child. Thank you. The warmth of this moment means a lot to me.”

It was only at that moment he became certain he really existed in this world. And from that moment on, he realized he was no longer alone.

Father, mother, grandfather, grandmother… everyone who’d appeared in his life had never given him a hug, even for a second. Because he was an illegitimate child. His birth was a sin in itself.

But here, he wasn’t guilty.

In his last life, he spent more than twenty years trying to figure out the problem, but in that hug just now he was finally able to figure it out, and let it go.

“I really don’t want to leave you.” He lay prone on the carriage window, looking at Rege with eyes that glittered with water.

Rege held his forehead and almost exclaimed aloud.

The little leopard he’d brought back from the forest wasn’t half as spoiled as the gentleman Earl. Those liquid eyes were lethal.

Rege was about to say, “Then stay,” when he saw Andrew and his rabble of friends roaring past on horseback in the distance. Their servants were unloading boxes of opium from a carriage, preparing to go crazy all night long.

Rege cursed inwardly, then he reluctantly waved his hand. “I can’t bear to let you go either, but I’m even more reluctant to wear you out. If you stay, they’ll pester you all night. We’ll get together again next time. Return safely, I wish you good dreams.”

The carriage slowly drove away.

Jian Qiao poked his head out and said sincerely, “I hope I do see you in my dreams. That would be the good kind of dream.”

Rege looked down, rubbing his forehead, and finally let out an impatient sigh: Ah, the mouth of this gentleman Earl….

Jian Qiao quickly asked, “You don’t touch opium, do you?”

At the last banquet, everyone was smoking heavily. Only Rege was aloof, so Jian Qiao guessed he didn’t use that kind of thing.

“No, never.” Rege shook his head, then said in a deep voice, “Promise me never to try it, it’s no good!”

“Yes, I promise, I’ll never touch it.” Jian Qiao felt relieved.

One of the two lay on the carriage window looking back, while the other stood at the gate of the castle gazing intently. When each of them had finally disappeared into the drizzle and fog, they turned their eyes away and sighed in unison.

As for why they were sighing, neither of them knew.

TL Notes:

Shit! – This was in English in the raw text

Transliterated names, titles, and places—new in this chapter:

公爵殿下 – GōngJué DiànXià – Duke, Your Grace, His Grace the Duke – Jian Qiao is a peer, therefore he initially addresses the Duke of Grande as “Duke” in conversation, followed by “sir”.

隆塞斯·乔 – LóngSāiSī Qiáo – Ronseth Qiao, previous Earl of Desolette and father to Jian Qiao. Alternatively: Ronse, Ronses, Lonses

公爵大人 – GōngJué DàRén – His Grace