Chapter 16 - You can't live just for the sake of living
Jian Qiao was startled by Rege’s stern rebuke. He quickly raised his hands and made a retreat.
“My lord, I’m sorry for offending your young lady. I didn’t intentionally profane her,” he said very apologetically.
Profane her? She’s a dirty □□! You shouldn’t have touched her head! You’re the one who was profaned!
Rege had a lot of words he wanted to say, but he couldn’t say any of them in front of the courtesan. His education required him to maintain basic gentlemanly manners.
The courtesan had been weeping to the point of collapse.
Two shop clerks approached her, trying to soothe her, and handed over a spotless white handkerchief.
It was only when the courtesan took the handkerchief that she realized her hand, along with the pink jewel, was actually smeared with red, white, and black streaks. And those streaks came from the powder she wore on her face, along with the cheek rouge, lip color, and eyebrows dyed with charcoal.
From this she could tell her face was grimy with tears.
No wonder the clerk looked at her with a frightened expression, as if he’d seen a ghost.
The courtesan screamed “Ah”, then covered her face and rushed out of the jewelry store. She was used to being despised, humiliated, and even trampled on, but she didn’t want to make a fool of herself in front of the gentleman Earl, not even a little bit!
This street was a celebrated jewelry district. The people who most loved to patronize this place were not only noble women and social flowers, but also robbers and thieves. They preferred women who were alone and didn’t seem to be noble, so they could get rich returns without much trouble.
And the courtesan who ran out crying would make the perfect target.
Rege raised his hands and hastily explained to Jian Qiao, “You don’t have to be sorry, I didn’t mean to accuse you just now. I don’t know how to explain it to you—anyway, I’m not angry and she’s not my young lady. I don’t have any relationship with her at all!” With these words he hurriedly ran out.
As a knight, he had to ensure the safety of that lady.
By the time Jian Qiao returned to his senses, the door of the shop had already closed, and the chimes hanging above the door beam made a soft jingling sound to prove someone had just come and gone.
“What happened to them?” Jian Qiao pointed to the door.
The two clerks shrugged their shoulders, their faces equally baffled.
—
Rege found the courtesan crying in a dark alley at the end of the street. She’d curled herself into a ball like a wounded puppy, clutching the worthless pink gem in her hand.
“Get up, I’ll take you back.” Rege strode over, his voice full of impatience.
He didn’t have the slightest interest in this woman, so he had no intention at all of asking why was crying.
“I miss my mother.” The courtesan, on the other hand, had developed a need to confide in someone.
She lifted the hem of her skirt, rubbed at the pink gemstone as if it were a priceless treasure, and wiped her flower-like face again, choking on a sob. “My family was always poor. We couldn’t even afford a whole piece of fabric. So my mother would collect rags from the garbage to make my skirts.
“You know, ever since I was little I never had a new skirt. My dresses were always full of patches. Bizarre, ugly, mismatched, all kinds of patches. In those worn out skirts I was ugly as a toad! People always laughed at me, and I’d run home crying and find a dark place to hide.
“Every time that happened, my mother would come and find me, hug me, and whisper in my ear: My little Jenny, in Mother’s eyes you’ll always be the most beautiful girl in the world. Cheer up, little lamb. When you’re happy, the sun shines because of you.”
As she said this, the tearful eyes of the social flower glowed with happiness.
Her eyes lost focus as she recalled, “Back then I always dismissed what she said to comfort me, because I knew very well that I wasn’t the most beautiful girl in the world. No matter if I smiled or not, the sky was always cloudy. The warm sunlight never shone on me. I was so humble, small, and ordinary.”
She lifted the jewel in her palm and said in a dreamy voice, “But just now, I suddenly realized that every word my mother said was true. Because she loved me, I was the most beautiful thing in her eyes. Because she loved me, whenever I was happy, her sky was clear. I was her light and warmth.
“She loved me so, so much! But because I was poor I ran away from home and ended up in this swamp. I regret it so much! If only I’d met His Lordship the Earl sooner and heard what he said just now!”
The courtesan clasped the pink gem to her face and cried uncontrollably. Only then did she understand that whether a person is noble or not doesn’t depend on others, but only on themselves.
On the contrary, those who throw themselves away in pursuit of fame and fortune will be humbled into the dust.
They’ll become worthless in the end.
Rege rubbed his aching brow and said in a deep voice, “Do you want to go back home? I’ll send someone to take you there. As long as I’m here that old madam won’t dare trouble you.”
The courtesan lifted her tear-soaked face and said with immense pain, “Thank you for your kind words, but I can never go back. My mother is dead. The person who loved me most in this world is gone.”
Rege was dumbfounded. No matter how great his powers were, he couldn’t bring the dead back to life.
Just as he was racking his brains about how to comfort the poor woman, the courtesan lifted the hem of her skirt and haphazardly wiped her tears.
She tilted her head, revealing a pair of resolute eyes, and swore, “Your Lordship, I will live well. My mother loved me, and that means I was a treasure in her eyes. Now that she’s gone I should love myself as much as she loved me. I should be a treasure in my own eyes. Others may trample on me, but I can’t trample on myself. I have to live every day beautifully and happily. I want to choose what I like, instead of just picking whatever’s most expensive.”
She wiped the tears from her eyes, then stood up with difficulty, holding onto the wall.
“It’s just a pity I understood the truth too late.” She lowered her eyes to the pink jewel in her palm and her voice became choked once again.
Rege shook his head and said, “No, it’s not too late at all. With this kind of awareness I think you’ll have a very successful career as a courtesan some day.”
Courtesan: “…”
For some reason, she suddenly had the impulse to hit someone.
After a long pause she managed to say, “Lord Rege, should I thank you for your kind words of support?”
Rege pointed to the street outside and urged, “No need for thanks. My servants are already here and they’ll take you back. You should go now, I have something to do.”
The courtesan looked down the street and sure enough, she spotted several tall knights and a luxury carriage. So she wiped her tears and walked away without looking back. She felt no regret for this man who was so powerful, fabulously rich, and handsome.
Compared to the Earl of Flowervale, all the nobles in the world were trash!
Rege stared at the back of the courtesan for a while, then shook his head again before marching towards Jian Qiao’s jewelry store.
“Ah, you’re back. How is the lady? What happened to her?” Jane Qiao asked immediately after seeing Rege return.
“Your nagging reminded her of her mother,” Rege said in a mocking tone.
“So it’s because she missed her mother.” The light in Jian Qiao’s eyes completely vanished.
Maternal love was the topic he least wanted to discuss, so he pointed to the two velvet boxes placed on the counter to attract Rege’s attention. “Do you still want these two rings?”
“Sure, how much?” Rege strode up to the counter.
Jian Qiao quoted an extremely high figure, and Rege signed the order without blinking. He then asked, “You really don’t want to sell that agate?”
Jian Qiao firmly refused as he tied the gift box with a ribbon, “Not for sale.”
Rege snorted and said disdainfully, “Actually, you don’t deserve to have it.”
“What?” Jian Qiao jerked his head up and looked straight over.
“I said you don’t deserve it,” Rege repeated in a deep voice, his gaze fixed. “You said it wasn’t a dead thing but a world in itself. It existed in the darkness of the earth, waiting for someone who could understand, appreciate, and cherish it. And you completely failed to meet its expectations.
“You dug it up, polished it smooth, and discovered its beauty. But you locked it up again in a small, dark place where it continued to languish. In that case, what’s the point of its existence? If it were me, I’d never treat my most beloved treasure in that way.”
Jian Qiao’s heart was touched. He couldn’t help but ask, “Then what would you do?”
“I’d wear it on my chest at all times. Since I know its fragility, I’ll protect it; since I cherish its beauty, I’ll let it bloom. With me it would be completely free.”
Rege pointed to Jian Qiao and said, “To quote what you said before, the way we treat the things we love often reflects the way we treat ourselves. If you lock up that agate so no one can see it, isn’t that a sign you’re also locking up your heart and won’t let anyone near?
“You say all things have a soul. If so, you should take out the agate you keep locked in the dark and put it to your ear to listen. I think if you’re really in touch with its heart you’ll hear its voice crying.”
Rege nodded and stressed again, “So you don’t deserve to have it. People can’t live just for the sake of living, everything that exists has a purpose, do you understand?”
With those words he took the two rings and strode out of the shop. He hated the gentle mask the gentleman Earl always wore, what was the difference between that mask and the safe?
The wind chimes on the door beam collided with each other, making a pleasant tinkling sound, but couldn’t break into Jian Qiao’s thoughts.
After a long time he woke up from his trance, then hurried to the safe, opened the lock, and removed the sandalwood box.
He carefully took out the agate that contained a small piece of heaven and earth and put it to his ear to listen.
There was silence in the store. Everyone looked at the gentleman Earl with strange eyes. His behavior was so bizarre, as if he really heard something unusual from the stone.
Didn’t he know all that was just Rege’s nonsense?
However, a few seconds later, Jian Qiao closed his eyes and whispered, “It really is crying.”
He lowered the agate that was pressed to his ear, cupped it in his hand, and said in a low, inaudible voice, “In my case, the stone isn’t free.”
TL Notes:
□□ – Redacted/censored in the original – I think we can guess from context
不能为了活着而活着 – You can’t live just for the sake of living – This seems to be from a quote by writer Yu Hua (余华) in his book To Live (【活着】): “人是为了活着本身而活着, 而不是为了活着之外的任何事物而活着.” People live merely for the sake of being alive, not for anything other than being alive.
Um, so, the meaning of existence is a deep topic with thousands of years of philosophical history behind it and I wouldn’t dream of writing an essay on it here. But anyway, to summarize or paraphrase a bit:
A lot of people go through their lives without much purpose. They live simply because they happen to be alive. And because of that, they may end up living empty lives. So we need to create our own meaning and purpose in life, and be thoughtful about the purpose we choose. If we live solely to pursue pleasure, status, or other transient things, or solely for other people (who may leave us for all sorts of reasons), or if we always just go with the flow, we may ultimately end up not being happy and not accomplishing much.
Sorry if I butchered this, I haven’t read the book or seen the movie.
Transliterated names, titles, and places—new in this chapter: