The sight of her flowery hat slipping off, her skirt fluttering and her white hand reaching out to me seemed extremely slow.
The petals of the yellow rose danced in the wind and chased after the falling Diana.
I hoped that seeing someone I cared about getting hurt in front of me would make me reconsider my wrong choices.
I hoped that seeing someone I cared about getting hurt in front of me would cause the pent up frustration and displeasure inside of me would explode.
I used Diana for my selfish goal of divorcing Orpheus.
âââ Iâm sorry, Diana. Iâm sorry.
I knew that she would never forgive me, but I continued to pointlessly apologise in my mind even though it would never reach her.
Why am I apologising âââ itâs obvious.
I wanted to lighten my sins by apologising.
I wanted to get away from my feelings of guilt.
I wanted to believe that Iâm an average person who can feel guilty and judge right from wrong.
I wanted to believe that my heart wasnât seeped with evil.
âAh,â a faint groan escaped from my mouth.
Orpheus was running desperately towards us. Iâve never seen him look so desperate.
I felt like this was the first time that Iâve seen him run.
This person really does love Diana, I earnestly thought at a time like this, then noticed that my way of thinking and sense was different from the ordinary person.
Iâm not normal.
I might be broken somewhere.
Or, I might have been abnormal from the moment I was born.
Iâm crazy enough to hurt my belovedâs love so that I can achieve my goal.
âââ Thatâs why no one loves me. Iâm not needed if thereâs no reason for needing me.
My heart beat loudly.
I wanted my soul to disappear from this world.
I wish I wasnât born at all. I was attacked by intense regret.
âDiane!â
Orpheus ran up to us at an alarming speed and stopped Dianaâs body from hitting the soft lawn.
âAre you alright?!â
âOrph⊠eus?â
Diana didnât know what was happening and whispered before her eyes rolled, âWhy are you here?â
Orpheus looked scary when he saw Diana. He gently supported her back as if he was handling delicate glasswork and stood her firmly on the ground.
âI, Iâm okay. Iâm okay,â Diana repeated after she recovered from the shock of being pushed away and smiled.
âI got dizzy because it was too hot and lost my footing. I wasnât injured since you caught me, Orphe. And nothing hurts. So, Iâm fine,â Diana thought Orpheus hadnât seen what happened and said to protect me because she didnât know that Orpheus had been standing close to us.
Did she think that she could deceive him if she said I hadnât done anything wrong and it was her fault?
She didnât even know that the person who she was trying to protect was being glared at.
âDiana, you âââ,â When I opened my mouth to criticise the soft-hearted Diana, I saw that her maid was running this way.
âDiane-sama!â
She had probably watched us in secret because she was worried about Diana being alone with her love rival.
She turned pale and looked awful as if she was in great shock.
âAh, Diane-sama! Iâm so glad! Iâm so glad that Master made it in time!â
âMarion? That voice belongs to Marion, right? Why are you hereâŠ?â
âI was worried about you and hid behind a tree so that I could come running if something were to happen⊠Ah, Diane-sama! Horrible, terrible! Itâs horrible of her to suddenly push you! Even though you canât see! You only wanted to apologise to her!â
âYou were pushed away by me,â I declared in a low tone, and everyone closed their mouths.
Orpheus looked around as if he was searching for something, Dianaâs eyes wandered around the maze, and Dianaâs maid âââ Marion Kirst turned red in anger.
I sneered at them as they stood there with different expressions on their faces, and said in contempt, âHonestly, what an annoying woman. Acting like a goody-goody and making me into the villain by acting like a tragic heroine. Whatâs with the âI just staggered, and fellâ? You said that because you knew that Orpheus had seen what had happened, right? You make yourself look better if you protect me like that. As expected of Diane-sama, the servants are complimenting you for protecting the good-for-nothing wife.â
âOpheliaâŠâ
âThatâs how you made everyone hate me. The servants hate me and isolate me. Youâre seriously annoying and unpleasant. I wish you would just hit your head and die already.â
âWh-what are youâŠ!â Marion stepped forward to protect Diana, and her fists were shaking.
âArenât you hated because of your actions?! Itâs not Diane-samaâs fault! Diane-sama has always regretted what has happened, so she tried to apologise to you. How dare you behave this horribly!?â
âShut up you insolent maid. Talking out of line even though youâre a servant, do you want to get fired? Know your place. If you want to show off your incompetence, then do it elsewhere. Youâre an eyesore.â
âI donât care! If you want to fire me, then just do so!â
âMarion! Stop it!â Diane chided her as she looked angry, but Marion continued arguing since the blood had rushed to her head.
But a dry voice slipped through and stopped her, âMarion.â
âM-master.â
âIâll leave Diana to you,â Orpheus said with an indifferent expression that made it hard to tell what he was thinking. Marion grinded her teeth in frustration and stood beside Diana.
Diana sensed that things werenât peaceful and said, âWait, Orpheus,â but Orpheus didnât reply back to her.
âWhy did you push Diana?â
I saw that his blue eyes were shaking in anger, but I glared back at him without flinching and calmly spoke selfishly, âItâs not my fault. Itâs Dianaâs fault for making me angry.â
âIâm asking you why you pushed her.â
âOrpheus, are you angry?â
I widened my eyes as if to say I didnât understand why he was making such a face, and he frowned.
I blinked several times, then pretended to notice why he was angry for the first time and pouted.
âSo, you are angry. Youâre horrible. Youâre trying to blame me even though I hadnât done anything wrong.â
I felt like the heroine of a tragedy.
Iâm good at acting like a woman who believed she was always right.
A woman who couldnât be reasoned with, and never admits her mistakes.
A woman who didnât listen to any arguments and shrilled and screamed when heavily criticised.
âââ Iâll play a clown until the end.
I raised my ugly, distorted face and stared at him with eyes of hatred.
âWhy are you on Dianaâs side?â Those words exploded with fury.
âWhy are you always like this!? We were so close, werenât we?! I always behaved myself and even told you that I liked you! So why are you never on my side?! Why do you always blame me?! Even though Diana said a lot of things that made me angry!â I screamed as if Iâd gone mad, and Diana and Marion froze like they were stone statues.
Marion returned to her senses because she felt like I would be a danger and took a step forward to protect Diana.
Orpheusâs frown deepened, and his lips pursed tightly together.
âItâs always like this! Everyoneâs on Dianaâs side and makes me out to be the villain! I hate it! I loathe it! I wish she would die! I wish she would get hurt and suffer!â
I donât want to hear what anyone says. I donât intend to listen to their words. âââ I covered my ears to express my intentions.
Since everyone had become silent, my voice resounded so much that I hated it.
I couldnât stand to hear my voice and my ugly desire continued to echo in my mind.
âââ Heâs going to hit me.
I saw Orpheus raise a hand in the corner of her eye and thought.
I said something I shouldnât have.
Orpheus is extremely angry.
Thatâs why heâs going to hit me.
I bit my teeth so that he could hit me at any time. I prepared myself mentally so that I can defend myself even if I fall.
Iâm used to being beaten.
Iâm used to it, so I wonât get hurt.
I wonât scream. I wonât cry.
âOphelia.â
âââ Itâs okay. Iâm sure Iâll be fine.
âThatâs enough, already. Stop it.â
Orpheus didnât hit me with the hand he had risen.
He grabbed my hands which were blocking my ears and looked at my ugly face. Then, he whispered in a gentle voice that made my heart pound.
I understood when I saw him up close. His blue eyes werenât shaking in anger, but in an emotion that was close to sadness.
âItâs painful to see you hate me and behave in a way thatâs not yourself. So, please stop.â
âWh⊠atâŠ?â
Hot air drifted about as the wind blew.
It blew through the gaps of the rose maze and made Orpheusâs black hair and the hems of Dianaâs and Marionâs skirt shake.
The breeze brushed against my cheeks comfortably, and I knew I was sweating.
âApologise to Diana. You used Diana to get me to hate you. You pushed her and ranted. Those actions are unforgivable no matter what your intentions are.â
âNo, she doesnât need to.â
âDiane-sama?!â
âMarion, be quiet.â
Diana stepped forward.
The scene reflected in my eyes clearly, but I couldnât understand what was happening.
It was as if time was only passing for one person, and I was being left behind.
I thought about Orpheusâs words and desperately tried to understand what he meant, but only unimportant thoughts came to mind so I stopped thinking.
âââ No, thatâs not it.
I understood.
I knew exactly what he had meant the moment he had spoken.
I didnât want to know; I was fooling myself.
I was trying to delude myself.
If I accept his words, then Iâll break down; my actions and the painful days I had to endure would become meaningless.
âI wanted it. She was punishing me. Ophelia soiled her hands to lighten my guilt. She might have used me, but I donât care. Since I was the one who had tortured her and drove her into a corner. I made everyone hate Ophelia.â
The wind stopped, and there was a sullen aura in the air.
âOrpheus, sheâŠâ
âStop,â I weakly stopped Diana, who was trying to ruin everything.
I breathed quickly even though I didnât want to and bluffed.
âI havenât said anything, so donât decide things on your own. Donât speak nonsense.â
âââ Play along if you want to be happy.
I had said those things so earnestly, but Diana never agreed.
She stood frozen with a puzzled expression on her face and muttered, âIâm not in the position to say anything.â
âWe two should talk. No, please talk to each other. Please, Ophelia. If you donât want me to decide things, then talk about it yourself. If you wonât, then Iâll confess everything here and now.â
â⊠Diana.â
Why are you saying such things?
Do you not want to be happy?
Didnât you want to be by Orpheusâs side?
Why are you doing this when Iâm trying to grant your wish?
âI found out about it.â
I didnât ask what.
I couldnât ask what since I saw her white eyelids droop sadly.
Even though I could usually cut off a conversation and leave, I couldnât build up the willpower to do so.
My lips wouldnât move, and my feet were sewn to the ground.
âOrpheus, you should tell her properly as well. Donât be afraid, be brave. âââ Marion, your arm.â
âDiane-sama.â
âTake me away.â
Diana grabbed the maidâs hand and said her love rivalâs name with red eyes like a rabbit, âOphelia.â
Her light blue eyes couldnât see, but she was looking straight at me.
âIâm sorry. Iâm really sorry.â
âWait.â
âââ Donât go. Change your mind. Donât leave the mansion. Stay by Orpheusâs side.
I pushed you, so you must realise your feelings and grant your wish. Juris also wants this.
âââ Please, donât go.
I reached out.
However, Diana smiled sadly, turned around and left with Marion.
She left the rose maze and walked far away under the sunlight.
âDiane.â
I looked down and looked at the petals that were scattered at my feet while stunned.
âWhy?â
Why did things end up like this?
Things have been doing so well, so why did I fail?
Why wouldnât Diana cooperate with me?
It would have gone well if we had worked together. Everyone would have been happy.
A drop trickled down from my forehead and hit the grass.
Itâs hot.
Come to think of it, itâs scorching.
Itâs cold, but itâs hot.
I canât stop sweating.
When I went to wipe my forehead, a white finger stretched out faster and brushed my forehead.
It wiped my sweat away.
When I looked up, I saw Orpheus looking down at me quietly.
His expression was cold, as if he didnât feel any heat at all.
âOrpheus.â
He took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat on his hand before presenting it to me.
âLetâs go back.â
I wonder if I should accept or decline.
I donât want to talk to him.
I donât have anything to say to him.
Iâm not looking for understanding, but a unilateral declaration from Orpheus.
I donât need any kind words or sweet smiles.
Letâs get divorced âââ thatâs all he has to say.
âOrpheus, IâmâŠâ
I donât know if he didnât want to hear what I wanted to say, or if he knew that I had nothing to say, but he took my hand and started walking. He forcefully took me out of the rose maze.
âââ Scary.
I had a premonition and was very afraid.
If all the things I have built are collapsing, then it would be better if I wander around the maze forever than witness this scene.
Itâs better to dream that Orpheus is smiling happily and endure the pain.
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I donât care if I remain a foolish woman.
I donât care if Iâm hated.
âââ Itâs terrifying.
Even though the warmth from my belovedâs hands was warming my cold hands, it didnât drive away my anxiety and fear.