CH 3.6

After that, the study session continued and ended in an awkward atmosphere.

Well, of course it would be the case. The witch came back with both her eyes swollen because of tears. She didn’t tell anyone why she was crying and I also had no reason to tell them, so everyone could only express their concerns in silence.

Frankly, I regretted asking that to her.

I really shouldn’t have brought up that topic back then.

While apologizing inwardly to the witch, I pedaled my bike with Hina by my side.

The weather was cold for summer. It seemed like it was about to rain.

“…What happened to Mai-chan?”

Hina asked me. I couldn’t discern her current emotion from her tone.

“What if I say nothing actually happened?”

“How long do you think I’ve known you? It was obvious from Mai-chan’s face that something did happen back then. Don’t even try to lie to me.”

Hina said, matter-of-factly.

I wanted to tell her, but the content of my conversation with the witch wasn’t something I could tell others.

So, what should I tell her?

“…What do you think?”

In the end, I answered her question with an ambiguous question.

Hina’s eyebrows furrowed in suspicion when she heard that.

“What?”

“Do you think it’s normal to help other people in need?”

“Ah, I see.”

I thought this kind of thinking was natural.

Unless their nature was twisted to begin with, no one would want anyone to be unhappy. Even if it was someone that they hated. They might not want someone they hated to be in their lives, but at the same time, they would be wishing them happiness somewhere they couldn’t see.

If it was someone that they liked, it would be normal for them to help them.

I just wanted everyone to be happy.

I just wanted to see everyone’s smile.

Was I crazy for thinking something like that?

Was it some kind of curse, after all?

My desire to help the witch, did it really come from the bottom of my heart?

Hina stopped pedaling her bicycle and stared at me in silence for a while.

“You know, your balance is off.”

“Balance?”

“Between tending to yourself and taking care of others, your balance in that regard is off.”

Hina got off her bike and started to walk slowly.

I did the same and followed behind her.

“A normal person would try to look for their own happiness first before starting to take care of others but that’s only if they could afford to do it in the first place. Of course, it depends on the context. Like, if I saw someone got lost in the middle of nowhere, I’d try to call out to them, at least. In your case, you always tried to help others without minding your own well being. It isn’t like you could afford to do it either, you’re just ignoring your own happiness. That’s why you always ended up hurting yourself.”

“…I mean, people’s happiness is my happiness.”

“You know…”

She glared at me with anger welled up in her eyes.

“What would you feel if I were to give up my life to save you?”

“…No, don’t you even dare to think about it.”

I answered her with difficulties.

Hearing that, she snorted and turned her face away.

“What a selfish answer. If you want me to accept your thinking, then you have no right to complain if I were to do the same thing as you.”

No, that was not how it was. Hina and I were different. I was different from the rest of the people of this world.

…But, was it really the case?

I mean, even if I hated to admit it, I was no longer a hero.

My head started to hurt.

“You’ve always been like this, but ever since a year ago, you became even more strange, you know that?”

Her voice, as she admonished me, was sharp.

“You stopped smiling as much, you kept pushing yourself to help others and you kept insisting that you were happy living like that. Hey, do you think people would be happy if you keep on meddling in their lives?”

She came closer to me.

“Seriously, what are you even trying to do?”

Closing the distance to the point that our noses almost touched, she looked straight in my eyes.

“Don’t you realize that your life is yours? It’s not mine nor is it other people’s possession.”

She glared at me and continued talking.

“In the first place, your way of doing things is dumb. Yes, there are a lot of people that might need your help, but not everyone would welcome it. This is Japan and we aren’t in a war or something. Even if you leave those people alone, they’ll be able to take care of themselves. Your help isn’t necessary, so stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

I tried to argue, but no words came out of my mouth.

“…Honestly, I’m getting more annoyed as I talk. Hey, who do you think you are? Do you think you’re such a great person that you can afford to stick your nose into everyone’s business? Such arrogance. Since when did you become such a great person, huh? What, are you thinking that you’re some kind of hero or something? Get back to reality, you’re nothing.”

‘No one expected anything from you.’

“Hey, arrogant chuunibyou-kun, let me tell you something. Whether you exist or not, the world goes on. Your existence won’t change anything. Do you get it?”

It felt like she had vented out all her pent up feelings.

Her words were insulting. She rejected my way of life, the things I stood for, everything. Her tone sounded like she was condemning me as a person. She was treating me like a child who mistakenly thought that he was born special.

But strangely enough, her words didn’t hurt me.

“…I see.”

I thought I already understood everything that she said. But after she pointed it out again, it made me realize that I understood nothing.

“…Can I even… Live a normal life?”

When I looked at her, Hina let out a frustrated grunt.

“What the hell are you talking about? Just live your life the way you want to live. Just keep in mind that no one expects anything from you. Your existence is replaceable, the world will go on even if you don’t exist.”

Hina closed the distance between us again and gently flicked my forehead.

“…I know that, but…”

I glanced at my palm.

I could vividly remember the sensation of the blood-soaked sword I had always carried. But that sword was no longer there.

“…Is it real? No one is expecting anything from me? My existence doesn’t actually matter? …I guess so, huh? Of course, that’s the way it is, huh?”

“Exactly, you dumbass! Stupid-ass chuunibyou! Do you think you’re a hero or something? You’re a high school student already, gosh, get yourself together! I swear, I always get second-hand embarrassment whenever I see you.”

“Okay, that’s just mean!”

Hina’s insults made me flustered.

I see… I was that kind of guy huh?

Noticing my feelings, Hina looked at me concernedly.

“S-Sorry, I went overboard… I-I couldn’t help it, okay? Seeing you like that made me frustrated…”

Hearing that, I bursted out laughing.

“No, it’s fine. Thank you, Hina.”

I looked at her in the eyes and thanked her. Her words were true, there was no reason for her to apologize.

“Your words saved me, Hina.”

“…You… Are you a masochist?”

“No?! What the hell?! How the hell did you come to that conclusion?!”

It was true that her words saved me, though.

Probably it was because it came from her, the girl who had been watching over me since I was a kid.

“I’m glad that you’re my childhood friend.”

When I said that, she averted her gaze as her face reddened.

“Y-Yeah, you should be more grateful to me… Y-You’re a handful, don’t you know that?”

I was not a hero anymore, just a normal high school student that could be found anywhere.

I knew that fact since long ago, but I finally understood what it meant.

I always thought that helping people was something that I had to do.

Whether I was a hero or not, people always expected me to help them.

It always felt like people were expecting something from me, just like back in my previous life.

Hina’s words reminded me that there were no such things.

“…I’m just a normal high school student, huh?”

“No? There’s no way in hell you’re normal.”

“Eh?! What do you mean?! Didn’t you just say–”

“Don’t you realize that you’re a weirdo?”

“W-Wha?! Me? A weirdo?”

But, I was just trying to imitate my previous self.

To my horrified look, Hina bursted out laughing.

“…I guess I have to thank you once again. For always staying by my side, even though I’m like this…”

“Eh?…”

Hina flinched. It seemed like my words caught her off guard.

“T-This guy…”

Her face started to redden again. Was she okay? She didn’t catch a cold or anything, right?

“Are you okay?”

“…Yes, I’m fine. I don’t know why, but I feel tired. I wanna stop by there.”

She then pushed her bike to a parking lot in front of a convenience store.

I followed suit and we entered the convenience store together. We decided to buy some ice cream and ate it under the shade next to the building.

Perhaps because we had been talking under the sun for a while, we were drenched in sweat and we just realized it when we were resting like this.

“You know…”

I muttered.

“I want to look for a new purpose in my life.”

“Huh?”

“I want to try finding something that I really enjoy…”

Back when I was talking with the witch, the sky was cloudy, but all the clouds had already gone away before I knew it.

“…I know it’ll be hard to change myself at this point, but still…”

I thought that it was a given that I should live like I did back in my previous life.

But, Hina and the witch told me that it wasn’t the case.

“From now on, I’m going to live for myself.”

I wanted to make fun memories, to do whatever I wanted to do, to enjoy myself to the fullest and to look for my own happiness.

It was something that I always dreamed about as a kid, but when I started to regain the memory of my previous life, I started to forget about that dream.

“I see.”

Said Hina as she showed me a bright smile.

“If you’re happy, everyone will also be happy for you, you know?”

Her smile was as bright as the sun.

“You’re right… I wonder why I didn’t notice such a simple thing?”

“Because you’re an idiot, that’s why.”

She looked really happy right now. And I felt happy when I saw her like this.

“By the way, Hina.”

“Hm?”

“I can see your bra.”

Her thin shirt was drenched in sweat.

Since that was the case, it stuck closely to her skin and I could see her pink bra through her wet shirt. Gotta say, this was a pleasant sight to see.

“Hmph!”

“My eyes?!”

This girl just thrusted her fingers into my eyes without hesitation, wow.

Even in my previous life, this kind of bold girl was rare. Maybe she had the knack to become a warrior.

“I really can’t let my guard down around you…”

She moved away from me while shielding her chest with her arms.

“…Anyway, let’s get back to the previous topic. What were you talking about with Mai-chan?”

“Similar to what we were talking about just now. She scolded me really hard…”

“Huh? That girl can actually scold other people?”

Said Hina, who didn’t know the witch’s true nature.

“Anyway, that girl is similar to you. Always trying to push herself too hard.”

Then, she continued trying to analyze the witch’s personality.

“That said, she’s different from you. How can I put it… It feels like she’s afraid of people. To be exact, she’s afraid of being hated by people. It’s funny to think about it. She’s so cute, there’s no way that she only got one or two confessions in her entire life yet, she’s this insecure about herself. She’s always acting as if she’s an outcast or something too.”

That was a good analysis, as expected of her. I knew that she was a sharp girl. Among all of us, she was the one who kept an eye on other people around her the most.

“Whenever we talked to her, even though she’s scared and easily frightened, I could tell that she’s genuinely happy. We were just talking normally, but she acted as if she couldn’t be happier than that.”

I agree.

There was no doubt that the witch felt genuinely happy when Hina and the others talked to her.

“That’s why I like her. No matter how lame or suspicious she acts, I will always like that girl. I’m sure Yuuka thinks so too. That’s why, I want to ask you. You knew her for a long time, right? How did she become like that?”

I flinched when I heard her question. Should I tell Hina about the witch’s past or not?

After contemplating for a bit, I decided to tell her about it. Of course, I’ll let the other world stuff out of the story.

I told her briefly about the witch’s past. How she accidentally hurt other people without meaning to and because of that, they grew to hate her. That was the reason why she became afraid of other people.

“…I see. That’s why you’re trying to take care of her.”

Hina continued.

“But still, there’s no reason for you to keep all this to yourself. I’m Mai-chan’s friend too. Not only me, Yuuka and… Even though I hate to admit it, Shinji too… We are her friends too. You aren’t alone, we want the same thing too. We want her to be able to have a normal life too.”

Hina’s words made me feel strange.

…Sure, I was no longer a hero.

But that didn’t mean the nature of my relationship with the witch changed.

Whatever we turned into, we would always be enemies.

That meant, we hated each other.

What reason would I have to help the witch right now?

It was only after a while that I came up with that question.