A beautiful older brother who looked like mom, not like me who looked like dad.
When I was little, I remember him taking good care of me.
My brother didnāt hate me even when I wouldnāt let go of him.
My big brother is not a perfect superhuman. His grades and athletic ability are decent and I feel like heās only a bit above average.
However, his appearance was like the finest beauty.
Mom often said that heās even more beautiful than her.
But when did I start avoiding my big brother?
Itās not like I dislike him.
I also didnāt hear anything bad about him.
ā¦right, itās probablyāā
When I was in fifth grade, I had a fight with a classmate and my parents were at work and couldnāt come so my big brother came to school instead.
Big brother was in his second year of high school at that time.
It happened that this day was the anniversary of his schoolās founding, so heās home.
Big brother, who was part of the tennis club, also seemed to have just returned from his runā¦
He took a shower and came out like that, arriving at my school with his hair still wet.
I guess he didnāt have time to use the hairdryer.
ā¦and thatās why my big brother never came to my school again.
ā”ā”ā”ā”Recollectionā”ā”ā”ā”
āIām Aoyama Souās older brother. I couldnāt get in touch with my parents so I came instead.ā
Wetā¦rather, his hair was damp because he just took a shower.
Taking a shower after running is my big brotherās daily routine.
My homeroom teacher suddenly blushed.
My big brother looked like a woman, but he looked handsome right now.
I found something like love letters in my big brotherās bag. And itās not just once or twice.
On Valentineās Day and birthdays, itās common for him to bring gifts from women home.
Big brother is kind to me, but a little cold to others.
He didnāt like having friends in his room, and he never invited anyone.
However, it wasnāt that he didnāt have any friends, since I sometimes saw big brother walking with people who seemed to be his friends.
āAoyama-kun violently attacked my Hiroshi!? Why didnāt your parents come?ā
Yamadaās parent said in a loud voice.
Seems like big brother was a bit confused, maybe because heās also a child so the parent was quite aggressive.
āā¦I apologize for Souās actions, but if your child didnāt do anything, my younger brother wouldnāt suddenly become violent.ā
āAhhh! Whatāāā
āSou. Did he say anything?ā
Amidst the screaming of Yamadaās parent, he asked me plainly.
āOur Hiroshi didnāt do anything!ā
Yamadaās parent yelled before I could answer.
But my big brother isnāt afraid or confused and was waiting for my reply.
ā¦isnāt he scared?
āā¦Sou?ā
I hurriedly opened my mouth when he urged a reply.
āIām not good at basketball, so I quit the clubā¦ā
Thereās a period for club time in fifth grade.
So I joined the basketball club, but for me who couldnāt dribble, Yamada told me to quit because I was in the way.
So I became frustrated with how I suck andāāhit him.
I know Iām not good at it.
Thatās why I bought a ball and practiced at home.
However, I wouldnāt improve that easily.
Everyone is already doing practice matches, but Iām still practicing dribbling and shooting.
Then I was told that Iām an obstacle.
Because of me, there are fewer places for everyone to practiceā¦
āHe said Iāll only be in the way, so I should go to another clubā¦ā
āI see.ā
With that plain answer, I wonder if my big brother also thought so.
I felt frustrated and almost cried.
āBut Sou, thatās what bad boys do. Apologize for hitting him.ā
āWhy!? Heās the bad one!ā
He told me to apologize and I argued.
Iām not the one at fault.
āSou, donāt you know that violence is bad? ā¦let me tell you this. Someone would always laugh at someone elseās efforts. Just look back at those who laughed. Even if theyāre good right now, it might be different in junior high school and high school. ā¦Iām not very good at playing tennis when I first started either. At that time, I was told to quit since I suck.ā
āEh!? Big brother!? But you went to participate in the prefectural competition the other day!ā
āāthat surprised me.
For a long time, I thought that my big brother is good at tennis.
I didnāt even notice that the people around me had surprised looks.
āI did, and Iām even better than those guys who thought I suck, you know? So good luck!ā
Big brother stroked my head and smiled.
Dad once said that a beautiful womanās smile is destructive, but does it apply here?
My homeroom teacher already seemed to have hearts in his eyes.
āYou can do it, Sou. I can do it, so Sou can also do it.ā
I often hear āif I can do it, you can do itā at home.
When I hear those words, it seems like I can do anything.
When I was taught how to read the time, or when I was studying hiragana or when I learned the multiplication tablesā¦
My big brother said that I could do it.
In fact, he was right since I could do it.
Even big brother did it, so I should do my best.
āApologize for hitting him.ā
āI understandā¦Yamada, Iām sorry for hitting you.ā
I bowed towards Yamada.
āN-noā¦ā
Yamada looked awkward.
Maybe I shouldnāt get close to Yamada anymore.
As big brother said, itās just a waste to think of someone who makes a fool of you.
āDo you think thatās enough!?ā
Yamadaās parent screamed.
āMy Hiroshi was beaten!? Look! His cheeks are so bright redā¦!ā
Certainly, I hit Yamadaās cheek.
There was no blood, his mouth wasnāt cut, and only his cheeks turned red.
ā¦still, I was the one who hit him.
So I apologized.
āSince itās like that, get hit also!ā
I saw a swinging hand.
(Iāll be hitā¦!)
I unintentionally closed my eyes.
Paāān!
A dry sound echoed.
But it didnāt hurt.
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When I opened my eyes, I saw a back in front of me.
āBig brother!?ā
Was my brother slapped instead of me?
When I looked, his cheek was so bright that it canāt compare to Yamada.
Fingers clearly imprinted on his cheek, looking like it hurt a lot.
āBig brotherā¦ā
I can only look up in a daze.
But my brother had cold eyes that I had never seen before.
As if he didnāt feel any pain from his cheeksā¦
āWhile saying that violence is no good, you did it yourself? ā¦well, whatever. Iām fine with this. For the time being, Iām also a āminorā. ā¦if you donāt want to be accused of raising your hand at a minor, donāt shout and just go home. ā¦this is the end of this, right? Weāre going home.ā
Big brother, who looked coldly at Yamadaās parent, turned to my homeroom teacher then looked back at me.
Maybe because he looked like a beautiful woman, Iām scared when my brother gets angry.
Seems like Iām not the only one who thought so since even Yamadaās parent couldnāt say anything and went out in a hurry.
I went home while chasing after my big brother.
āAh, big brother, Iām sorry.ā
If I didnāt hit Yamada, my brother wouldnāt be hit.
The fingerprints on his face looked painful, so Iām sure itād be talked about a lot in school.
Big brother looked backā¦with his usual face.
āBe careful next time.ā
Those words said with a smile struck my chest.
My big brother is sweet to me.
Heād never use an angry voice at me.
Is it because Iām five years younger?
The next day, when I went to school, I was surrounded.
ā¦mainly by girls.
āAoyamaās big brother looks really cool! But you donāt look alike at all.ā
āā¦Iām like my dad and my big brother look like my mom.ā
Others asked me this question long ago.
Why does it feel so frustrating when they said we donāt look alike?
āIs he with someone?ā
ā..dunno? Seems like heās popular, though.ā
Or rather, whatās it to youā¦
My big brother is a high school student, and I donāt think heāll deal with elementary school students.
ā¦but, come to think of it, he had no woman at all.
He might just be devoted to tennis and didnāt care.
If he wants a woman, it seemed easy to have one.
āIs he a tennis player?ā
āā¦isnāt that the case? My big brother participated in the prefectural tournament, but he didnāt win.ā
Seems like he also didnāt win the district tournament last year. Given that, I think heās getting stronger.
However, he said that the person who won the championship at the national level would become a professional, and big brother said that itās impossible for him.
He said that heād become a salaryman in the future.
But when you think about it, itās such a waste.
He has such a nice face, so a hostā¦doesnāt seem like it since his gender would deceive people, so he should be a model.
āItās wonderful that such a prince is nearby.ā
āā¦ā
Did I just hear some strange words?
Prince?
That big brother?
He might look like that, butā¦
Heās more the sloppy type than a perfectionist.
Did no one dislike him because of his appearance even though heās cold to them?
But, itās been a long timeā¦
He wouldnāt even ask anything to our parents.
Sometimes, I think the reason why they never angry got with him was that he didnāt ask for anything.
I really donāt know much about what my big brother is thinking.
(Huh? Why do I feel somehow offended?)
Is there some sort of secret I donāt know?
However, my heart is bigā¦though I think so, my suspicion wouldnāt go away.
From that day on, I stopped sticking to my big brother.
And yet, my big brother didnāt say anything.
āRebellious phaseā, he dismissed it with just those words.
So I couldnāt get closer againā¦
But it wasnāt just because it was awkward.
But also that itās too late for regrets.
ā¦because I donāt have a big brother anymoreāā