CH 131

ACDWL 131: Difference In Thinking

─Rodo’s side─

Ko easily moved the whole family from Kisetoa to our house.

We were supposed to be in another country’s castle covered with magical obstructions, but…as expected of Ko.

After calling out to Calvert, he kept looking at his hands.

…is that hand trembling?

I grabbed that hand and called out. He smiled with a crying face.

Then hugged me.

He might be regretting it since he had the intention to take people’s lives.

…but Ko didn’t take anyone’s life.

Does he regret thinking that way even for a moment?

It’s difficult to understand Ko’s thoughts, especially for me, who can kill people without feeling regret or guilt.

Still, when Ko cries, I get flustered.

He’d always say “don’t kill when you don’t need to” but the standard is different between me and Ko.

I often picked up my sword because more and more people are telling me various things like Ko smelled sweet.

Originally, once I get angry, it was hard to stop, so the number of people I killed so far was considerable.

There’s only the awareness of “if you don’t want to be killed, you can resist”.

Or “Those who are weak enough to be killed are the ones who are bad”.

For me who has been doing that for a long time, it’s difficult to change my way of thinking.

I can’t be considerate of others like Ko.

At first, I didn’t talk to the children unless Ko told me to.

Being a child from me and Ko, I care more about them than others.

But even so, they’re half-Akinists.

They’ll decide what they can do on their own.

…they’re still children, so I know they’re different from an adult, though.

This time, it wasn’t caused by Ko’s carelessness.

The kids didn’t go out of the guarded castle grounds so the bad ones are those six people from Kisetoa.

It was the negligence of the country responsible for ensuring the safety of the children during the diplomatic talks.

Nevertheless, Ko blamed himself.

Calvert, who’s always free-spirited, didn’t move while looking up at Ko.

Eldred is restlessly moving behind Ko.

“Motha…Cal, shorry, widn’t look.”

Eldred, who blames himself for not being able to stop his younger brother from being kidnapped, is about to cry.

Eldred is too emotional for a half-Akinist.

He probably resembled the emotional Ko the most.

“It’s not El’s fault, you know? El isn’t bad. Even though El is still a child…I’m sorry. I asked too much because you’re the “older brother”. El protects mom while dad is away.”

He left me and hugged Eldred.

Eldred is now three years old.

He’s already a kid so he didn’t have to do that.

Eldred is just special. When I was a kid, I was already exploring alone.

I didn’t even listen to my parents.

Nor did I even think of protecting them.

“El isn’t bad at all. So you don’t have to cry, okay? Thank you for always thinking about everyone.”

Eldred cried in Ko’s arms.

Tears were also shining in Ko’s eyes.

“Mom has a new request. The place for diplomatic talks may be boring but will you stay with mom all the time? Cal is important, but El is also important. I definitely don’t want to lose either of you. …so, please. Stay on my side.”

Ko, who is hugging Eldred and begging while shedding tears, is still different from me in terms of thinking.

“El, with motha!”

“Mya~”

Calvert also screamed to agree.

“El and Cal are by my side, right? I will definitely protect you.”

How important are the children to Ko?

Anxious…or rather, why do I feel frustrated?

I know Ko cares for the family.

He also cares about me and is worried about my health.

…for Ko, is family more important than himself?

Of course, for me, Ko is more important than anyone else.

That’s the same for my parents as well since Ko is sweet to them.

And I don’t know if the two kids would prioritize themselves or Ko, but I know they care about him.

They seem to like me as a “father” but I don’t care about that.

…I think Ko is the only one in the world who is concerned about Akinists.

But I don’t think Ko puts himself first.

For someone else, he’d care, get angry, or sad…

Does Ko not care for himself?

Am I so frustrated because I somehow sensed it?

I’d be troubled if Ko, who I cherish more than anything else, didn’t cherish himself.

If Ko sacrificed himself for his family, I wouldn’t forgive him for the rest of my life.

I’ll kill those things and follow Ko.

He said that if it was a normal injury, he could heal it, but there were some that he couldn’t.

If it’s something that will remain, even if it’s a scratch, it’s not enough to chop the opponent.

Nobody needs Ko to use his body to protect them, and I don’t want him to make such a choice.

So I will kill the one that Ko protected.

When I see Ko, who’d do anything for the family, I just get angry.

“Ko. You don’t have to protect your family at your expense.”

“Rodo…I’m sorry. That’s impossible because it’s harder for me to lose my family. I can’t see my family get injured.”

(As expected…)

The affirmation that came back swelled my anxiety all at once.

“I don’t want to lose Ko! If I lose you…I can’t live anymore.”

If I lose Ko, I’d lose the meaning of living.

I’d want to go to Ko’s side rather than endure a wasted life.

Ko, who stood up, approached and hugged me.

“…even if there are children that have half my blood?”

“Children are children. Not Ko.”

If I lose Ko, I will never see Ko again.

I can’t even hug him like this.

I can’t stand such a thing.

“…that’s true. Even if half my blood is flowing in them, El is El, Cal is Cal, and the child in my stomach is itself…they’re all Rodo’s and my kids, but neither Rodo nor me. …I’m sorry. I made you anxious…Rodo, I love you.”

My beloved person looked up from inside my arms.

I don’t want anything more than Ko.

I’d rather die if I’m about to lose Ko.

If I can protect Ko and die, that’d be a dream.

…but Ko will be sad.

It’s said that a partner that lost their mate loses their vitality to the point where it’s hard to get a job, but I can be sure that I wouldn’t be alive by then.

But for Ko, who isn’t scent-sensitive, he’ll be able to live with the children after I die.

…to prevent that from happening, I’ve been very careful.

“…I’m a little tired, can I sleep?”

“Let’s go to our room.”

Ko relaxed in my arms.

As expected, is it because he used too much power during pregnancy?

Should I call the midwife to find out if he has any physical problems?

I picked up Ko, who was still light even though he was pregnant, and decided to call the midwife while moving to our room.

I spoke to my parents and they were happy to go if it was for Ko.

I’m not going to leave Ko’s side like this.

─Rodo side end─

Author’s Note:

Have a nice year, everyone!