Chapter 37

“Nng⋯“

It was the dead of night. I’d been having trouble sleeping and ended up waking up at around 2 in the morning. Definitely not a great time to be awake. But despite the odd hour, I was wide awake, for some reason, so I decided to go for a walk.

I looked up at the starry sky outside. The stars were the only thing the Twilight didn’t change. Seeing them now reminded me of when I was in the Twilight and often gazed up at the stars. As I was reminiscing about the past, I noticed a familiar figure.

“Sophia?”

“Yuria?”

I’d run into Sophia, sitting on the ground. She usually wore her hair in a ponytail, but tonight she had it down. I’d never seen that look on her before, but⋯that wasn’t the only thing I’d never seen. She was crying, the tears rolling gently down her face.

“Ah, haha⋯you’ve caught me at a rather embarrassing time.”

“Did something happen?”

She rubbed her eyes with her sleeves. Is it alright⋯ for me to be intruding on this? I wondered. I’d always felt there was something⋯off about her, maybe something in her past. I’ve thought so since the time she had her dad test my skills. And that feeling grew stronger when I saw the contrast between her fear of monsters and her obvious glee while killing them.

To be blunt, she seemed emotionally unstable.

She always put on a bright facade, but when monsters or the Twilight were involved, that facade cracked. I was worried. We hadn’t known each other for very long, but I still considered her a dear friend. That’s why I decided to dig into her past a little bit.

“There’s⋯there’s nothing, really⋯hic⋯” she said, still crying. I sat silently next to her, gazing up at the sky as she cried. A girl’s crying face⋯isn’t something a guy should be looking at. So I just sat there, staring upwards, as she got it all out.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah⋯Thanks, Yuria.”

“That’s good. I’ll get going, then.”

I stood up. Everyone has things they don’t want to talk about, things they’d never tell another soul about, no matter how close they were. I have things like that, and so does Sophia. So I decided to leave her be for now. Stepping into someone else’s heart isn’t that simple, after all.

“⋯You’re not gonna ask?”

“About why you were crying?”

“Do you mind if I ask?”

“If it’s you⋯I don’t mind.”

I sat back down.

“Do you remember when we first met?” she began. “Do you know why⋯I tried to get close to you back then?”

“No⋯”

That was true. She’d gotten very familiar with me very quickly. I hadn’t met her before school started like I had with Sherry, but from the first time we talked, she acted like we’d known each other for years. It was like⋯she’d been watching me, almost. I mean, I still remember the way her eyes went wide the moment I first entered our old classroom.

“You’re⋯like my older brother. Very, very much like him.”

“You have an older brother?”

“Mhm. He’s⋯incredibly kind, dependable, cool⋯and very strong. You look like him, and your kind personality is just like him, too. So from the first time I saw you⋯I couldn’t help but see my brother.”

I look like her brother? Well, I suppose I understand that. I wonder if that has something to do with her pushing me to become an S-Rank⋯

“I knew about you before we met. I knew⋯you’d come back from the Twilight, and I watched your fight with Sherry. And when I saw that, you know what I thought? I thought my brother had come back. He’d always dreamed of being an S-Rank. And⋯the two of you overlapped, in my mind. I just⋯I felt like you were my brother, who’d come back. That’s why I pushed you to become an S-Rank. Because⋯it was his dream. And since you’re strong, I thought⋯you could kill them. You could slaughter all the monsters who took my brother from me.” She paused for a moment. “I know it’s somewhat creepy, but⋯it was the only thing holding me together.”

I understood what had happened now. Her brother had gone missing in the Twilight. There are many people who go missing out there every year. Some students, sure, but mostly soldiers who go out into the dangerous zones and never return. Technically, I was one of those missing people, too, but⋯I managed to make it back. For Sophia, I was a powerful classmate who resembled her brother and had returned from the Twilight. It’s entirely understandable that she wanted to believe that I was him.

It’s not uncommon for people who go into the Twilight or lose someone dear to them there to develop PTSD. Sophia⋯was probably one of those people.

“But, of course, you’re you, not my brother. The person who fought in that battle, covered in dirt and blood, for the sake of humanity⋯was you, not my brother. I knew that, consciously. I understood, rationally, that⋯my brother was gone. That you⋯were a special case, being able to make it back. But I just can’t give up. That’s why, in order to see him again⋯and to eliminate the demons that took him from me⋯I have to become stronger. Stronger than anyone else.”

“⋯”

“Haha, I guess this is a pretty common story, right? Sorry about this⋯I’ve just been going on and on⋯It’s really not like me, right? Hahaha!”

A common story? Yeah, it is. There are many, many people with similar stories in this world. There have been countless victims of the Twilight. But despite that⋯there was something I had to say.

“So what if it’s a common story? The pain of losing your brother⋯is something only you can understand. You’ve been suffering this whole time. All the pain you’ve felt is real. Don’t try to smooth over your own suffering by saying it happens often. Plus, you don’t have to apologise for this because it’s ‘unlike you.’ Yes, you’re generally a bright and cheerful person, but you’re still allowed to be sad when something sad happens. If a person’s sad, they’re sad. If they’re happy, they’re happy. People can act differently depending on the circumstances, you know. It’s normal.”

“Yuria⋯”

I didn’t really know how to console her. I said it myself, but only she can understand her own pain. I’m not Sophia, so obviously I can’t understand what she’s going through. But⋯having listened to her pour her heart out, what I can do is be there for her. That’s why I was sitting there, right by her side.

I’m not her brother. And I can’t be a replacement for him, either. But still, as her friend, I wanted to stay by her side.

“⋯You really are like him⋯but I suppose you’re always gonna be you, no matter what.”

“What do you mean?”

She laid down on the ground, spread her arms out, and stared up at the sky. “This whole world⋯is really small, compared to the stars. I’ve been worrying this whole time, waiting for my brother to come home. And⋯that’s still true. But I think it’s time for me to move on. You’re not my brother, after all. And I’m⋯me.”

We had a lot in common. Just like her, I’d spent a long time just standing still. Despite returning from the Twilight as a stronger Exorcist, I had tried to bury my issues with Dan without resolving them. Now, though, I’ve cast all of that off to move forward, but⋯it took time.

“I’ve made up my mind. I think⋯I’ll keep trying. So that by the time my brother comes back, I’ll be a powerful Exorcist. And⋯I’ll do everything I can to destroy the Twilight.”

“Yeah.”

I think humans ultimately only obey themselves. Other people can say whatever they want, but in the end, people will only do something if they want to.

“⋯Huh?”

I felt something warm on my cheek.

“Hehe. That’s your reward! Goodnight!”

Stunned, I just sat there and watched Sophia walk away. Then I turned my gaze back up to the stars.

Just as always, the starry sky above spread out as far as the eye could see.